Unable to focus, risk losing business

I don't want to get too specific as to what I do because I don't want to be identified, but I am a programmer developing AI software for a particular niche. As you can imagine, this type of work takes a lot of patience and focus. However, I am completely unable to apply myself and risk losing all former and future business. The project isn't hard, I've solved it in my head many times. The only thing left to do is type it into the computer, but I cannot bring myself to do it. It's like there's some force holding me back. When I get lucky enough to get "in the mode" it only lasts so long. These moments are really the only time I get anything accomplished and I haven't figured out how to make them happen on command. Now I have several days left to finish my work or I will lose thousands, and my reputation in general.

I should also point out that I keep perfecting the way my software works and have started over from the beginning many times. Now, reaching a point where it's near theoretically impossible to improve using the available tools, I may finally complete it.

Hi, lackoffocus. Well, it does sound like you might be depressed. Maybe the reason for your depression is holding you back. Could you go for an early walk in the morning and then do nothing but try to get your work done? Getting an early start usually helps me when I need to concentrate. Have a long walk and then do your work when you get home. I hope you will be able to find something to help you.

jasmin,

Thank you for your post. You must be psychic because I just got back from that early morning walk to the post office before reading your response (21 lovely degrees today).

Lackoffocus,

I agree with jasmin and might even throw in the possibility of ADD or OCD in the mix.

The need for "perfection" is one of my OCD symptoms. It is frustrating when you need to complete something but continually go back because it just "isn't right yet".

Good luck,

N.

Well, maybe you can get a little work done, if you feel up to it. It would probably be a good idea to find out if you have ADD or OCD, like nymenche suggested.

Hi lackoffocus,

In my opinion it doesn’t sound like you have depression per se. I have been in similar situations myself. The fact that at times your able to be driven and then other times lack focus is relatively normal. The stumbling bock seems to be the putting it together - the accomplishing and succeeding part.
There could well be a unconscious’s reason for this. I myself feel when I use to miss deadlines for silly reason is because I had no self believe and didn’t believe I deserved to be successful.
Maybe your not happy with your life at the moment and this is unconsciously causing you to ‘###$ things up’. If this is a common occurrence for you maybe you have a touch of Self-Defeating Personality Disorder. Don't beat your self up over it, the unconscious is a cruel mistress. I would suggest seeing a therapist, after all ‘there no such thing as laziness’.