Ignore this

[Edited, because I don't know what went awry with my original post]

I'm kind of going through a bit of a rough time, and I need to talk here. I know for a fact that I am not at as low a point in reality as I am in my head. I'm trying, after years of whining and such, to keep my problems to myself, in the hopes that putting on a happy face will somehow reflect inward, but I'm kind of at a point.....

I've been lucky, even though I've been depressed (dysthymic?) most of my life. I've gotten an education (MBA), held a job most of the time, got married briefly (4 years), had a son who is now 21 and a senior in college. I've got a house I've been paying a mortgage on, a car. And I have two dogs and four cats which, on the edge of my consciousness, I have because I know my obligation to them might keep me from ending my life.

And my credit has been going down the tubes. I pay my mortgage late, some of my other bills late, but my car is paid off. My paycheck barely gets me through the month. I used to be able to put something in my 401k, but haven't been able to for four months or so.

See....I know that I'm lucky enough to have a job, a mortgage, a car, a son....pets even.

But today I took my car in and found out the repairs will be so expensive that I need to get a new car. And my credit sucks - even if it didn't, I couldn't afford a car payment. And I almost burst into tears at the repair shop.

I feel like my life is falling apart, that I won't be able to get a car loan and even if I do, I won't be able to pay it.

Like I said, I'm not all that bad off....but I FEEL like it's all too overwhelming. I need to whine, to vent, to tell someone...anyone, how afraid I am. And how ashamed of my financial situation I am.

Mind you, if it were someone else, I would only be sympathetic, and it wouldn't affect my respect for them or how valuable I think they are as a person. I don't think a person's financial status has anything to do with a person's value, or worth, or potential...

Except my own. I feel like, with my education, my smarts, my employment, I should never have gotten myself into this mess, and because I did, I'm pretty much a loser.

So somebody, everybody...tell me to suck it up, stop feeling sorry for myself, be grateful, have faith, believe in myself.....ANYTHING....to stop me from feeling this hopelessness and fear and feeling of failure.

Tell me to stop this incessant whining......

Joyless,

Sounds like you are going through a very hard time right now. I am not going to tell you to quit whining; everyone deserves to feel bad about bad times in their lives.

You sound quite intellgient, but sometimes that doesn't equate to being good money managers. Depression even makes it worse at times.

I don't know what advice I would give you without knowing your specific situation, but it doesn't sound like the "things" that you have been able to afford have brought you much happiness. Perhaps you should focus on yourself and making yourself happy from the inside rather than through the pocketbook.

Again, just an outsiders opinion and I wish you the best as you work to find your way through his.

N.

Joyless, I'm sorry to hear about the things that are stressing you out. This is a hard time of year. Personally, I find myself stretched too thin and worried about money ... everything feels so uncertain.

I also have some issues with dysthymia (had major depression when younger), and I know that it can get worse in the winter months when the days are shorter. Do you take any sort of antidepressants? (No need to answer if that's too personal.) If ending your life is an option you're keeping on the back burner, maybe you should seek some pro help.

I currently take St. John's Wort and a supplement called 5HTP, and in combination they seem to help with my mood quite a bit.

So, this isn't really a "suck it up" kind of response, like you requested. Being depressed isn't really the same as "whining." And always keeping your problems to yourself might make them worse sometimes. Sure, there are some callous people out there in the world who don't care. But there are also lots of people who do care and can be helpful and sympathetic. And I'm wondering if you spend a lot of time alone? If so, is there some kind of group you could join that might give you a feeling of connection?

Financial problems can be overwhelming. And credit problems are incredibly common, if that makes you feel any better. Luckily, those problems can be fixed. But from a state of depression, as you pointed out, you will feel like it's insurmountable. And the car thing is tough. I'm not sure what I would do in that situation ... but I will think about it and come back to this thread.

Lastly, I notice that you are aware that you are way harder on yourself than you are on other people. Would it ever be possible to give yourself the same respect and understanding you give to others?

Thanks Nymench and Berries. I'm a bit better now, after a night's sleep.

Gosh, when I think about what some people have to deal with....I feel a bit of a fool to fall apart over a dumb car/car loan/credit problem.

I know it will get better.

And I appreciate the time you took to respond to this hysterical nutcase!

Happy New Year...

Joyless,

No apology necessary; this is a support forum, and we all go through times of emotional crisis.

Don't minimilize your pain by comparing it to others. Yes, some may have been through more or even are still experiencing worse conditions, but your feelings are important, too.

It is okay to express them and accept the support of others.

Best to you and Happy New Years to you, too.

N.