Psychotic Depression

I have most negative symptoms, I am able to express happiness and sadness but my ability to is just reduced a little.

I also suffer from delusions but I justify them when people insist that I tell them whats wrong but all along in my head and while I'm telling the lie that I'm ok and that I'll be ok, I never am.

I don't really have an hallucinations, except at night when I feel things around me because I'm alone, so I turn around and yeah nothing. I also think the light at this time of night after I've turned all the lights off from the stereo id not actually from the stereo but I can't put my finger on where but thats a night time thing.

Could I be suffering from psychotic depression because I've left my depression from when I was younger go for so long ?

But the thing is I'm not depressed, not now anyway, I just feel empty, isolated and in a constant state of not feeling interested in anything, I can fake an interest.

Hi, TigerRose. I'm no expert, but it seems to me like this is some kind of dissociation. If I've been triggered for a long time, I have difficulty feeling and acting normal. And I do get the impression that there is something there at night when there isn't.
Maybe you are afraid of getting hurt during the night and that is why this happens.

I also have noticed that I feel like someone, a man or a manly figure is following me up to my room from the lounge room every night and he stays in my room until I relax and then he stops trying to scare me and then a calm comes over me.

I am never afraid of getting hurt at night, I feel more afraid during the day, when I'm out shopping, well not that I feel like I'm going to be hurt just that people watch me and are looking at me, from kids to older people and I'm constantly eying off people to suss them out.

I want to say these things to my counselor but I'm a bit afraid that he'll think I'm a nut.

You should tell him everything and try to find a way to solve this or at least be able to live with it. He should want to help, not think you're a nut.

Thank you Jasmin your so much help.

I'll just write down a few things that way I won't have to say anything he can just read it then again I hope he'll be able to read my writing

I know I should tell him everything, I'm just scared of getting it out there and what it all means and whatnot.

He's a nice man, its just me thats scared.

I have been really depressed today about my Mum telling me to get a job because I have no motivation to go out and find work or be in work, so I marked my forearm with scratches from my phone media players ear plug inserter thing lol whatever you call it, the part that goes into the phone, if you were to listen to music.

The marks have gone now though.

I feel stupid talking about these things like I'm a bad person, so I'll just have to write it down or else I'll never tell him

You are welcome!
Yes, deffinatly write it down then! Tell him everything you say there is important to you and ask him to take it seriously. I bet it's normal to feel shy when you're talking about stuff like this.
I'm sorry your mom is making you look for a job. You deserve a rest after the #######5 job you had. You should concentrate on yourself and getting well now. You could tell your mom that you just need to rest for a while.