new to talking about all this!

Hi all,

I am new to coming onto a forum and talking about this but lately some bad stuff has been happening in my life and I am scared about a few things.

first something about me, I am a 27 year old male who lives in New Zealand, I got married when I was 21 to a 43 year old woman, while married to her I tried to kill myself due to alot of stress she was putting me and as a result of that I was commited to a psych hospital, when released from there I went back to her and sort help from some head shrinkers, I was diagnosed with depression, later on down the track I was also diagnosed with low level bi-polar, 2 years after trying to kill myself, my wife then started emotionaly, verbaly and mentaly abusing me, to the point where I would blackout and do stuff I dont know I am doing, from that I apparently tried to kill myself by over dosing, 3 years after that my wife and I got into a major fight and I blacked out and I tried to kill her, when I came to my hand were around her throat and I stopped, she called the cops and I was arrested and charged (and easy way for her to get out of the marriage after she got what she wanted from me), while I was in prison I was seeing psychs and they also diagnosed me with PTSD. and for the last 3 years of my marriage I was cutting myself to relieve stress and tension so I didn't blackout, the wife causght me a couple times and she said I was just doing it for attention, and as a friend of mine said if I was doing it for attention I would be cutting myself in places that are always visable. needless to say we are getting a devorce and I am happy with my girlfriend, which brings me to the new problem and what scares me. and just a little note, if I am scared there is something wrong as nothing scares me.

my current girlfriend is 18 years old, she knows all about my history, and right now I am back in the courts for something I didn't do, she knows this, the good thing this time is I am out on bail with heavy bail restrictions, 24/7 curfew, reporting into the local police station 3 times a week, with a host of other bail conditions and under the care of my landlady to make sure I dont breach my bail conditions. the problem is, my landlady is taking advantage of this she is abusing the hell out of me treating me like a dog and keeps threatening that if I dont conform to every little thing she demands I get a weekly threat of she will send me to prison, she starts screen at me for no reason sometimes which starts to get me to yelling back at her, now before all this I had gone 7 months without cutting myself but recently because of her I have started to cut myself and alot of people are worried about my mental state, and I am worried I am going to black out and hurt someone else or worse and I dont want my girlfriend in the firing line so to speak. now, due to the bail conditions I cant move out of this address or anything, I have spoken to my lawyer and he is trying all he can but he is being blocked by the police in my charge of my case. I guess what I am asking, is what can I do, what should I do if I can do anything?

thanks for listening to my long rant.

Horus aka J

Hi, Horus79 and welcome to the forum. I am sorry you have been through so much. This must be very stressful for you.
I think you should try to hang in there for the sake of the future you could have. Be strong and don't do anything that would make things worse for you. You did not deserve to be abused by your ex wife and you shouldn't be treated like this by your landlady. Maybe your lawyer will come up with something to help you. Don't give up hope.