Why is it so hard? ~trigs maybe~

Why is it so hard for me?

Not to sound like it isn't hard for anyone else, or to trivialize them.

But it's really hard for me

I used to love getting out, hanging with friends, concentrating on school, all of that. Now, it's hard. I hate going out, I have to force myself. I don't feel a point to get out of bed. My first thought when I wake up is "Why am I still alive?" With these cut marks on my arm I feel so angry at myself and want to make more. I can't ######6 concentrate on my schoolwork, I'm still getting A's mostly, and it's just, ugh! It's so hard. I'm slowly slipping, until I go into an abyss. My anorexia has gotten worse, and I'm afraid I'm going to be bulimic too. The urge to purge and binge... ugh! Then there's the whole, cigarettes and alcohol thing, that I really want to start doing, but, it's just, I'm trying to fight it. My cutting's getting worse, I hate myself more and more each day, I want to die so badly. I just... UGH. I'm not going to suicide, I'm struggling. I'm on Fluoxetine and I'm seeing a counselor once a week every Tuesday.

Peace,
Mike

Thanks those are some great ideas. I wanted to read them over a few times before I actually posted.

But why is it so hard for me to get out of bed? My first thought is why aren't I dead yet, the second thought is I'd really like to suicide, and the third thought is I should just go cut.

I am trying to control these thoughts but man it's scaring me.

Thanks,
Mike

Thanks A'ine. I had some help set up to send you by PM, but my IE closed suddenly and I lost it, and now, sorry to say, I'm quite discouraged to write it up again.

Peace,
Mike