Need to get off medication

Hi, I have psychotic depression and I hate being medicated.

Recently it's gotten worse, where I feel like I'm not experiencing reality as it really is due to my medication. I always feel that actually, but it's just worse now.

Whenever I'm at my most desperate I usually feel the presence of angels but lately I have not felt them at all and I think the medication is numbing me down and blinding me to these things. I don't want to believe the things I experienced at a lower dose of my meds were actually just symptoms and that is why they've gone away. It felt religious and I don't want to give that up. It's like my one real hope.

I'm scared and I don't know what to do. I can't just quit my medication by myself, I know I'd feel worse physically. These drugs are too addictive. But I hate them. I don't know if my psychiatrist would listen to my complaints and wean me off my meds when I'm doing so bad in general. But I really need it.