Hello everyone, i'm a newbie.

Hi everyone, i've been reading this forum for a while now & finally mustered up the energy to join today.
I'll just tell you a little about myself... I've suffered from severe depression now for almost 2 years, since i was almost fatally stabbed back in May '06. My 72 year old nieghbour was being 'car-jacked' & i tried to assist her, thus resulting in a stabbing to my chest. (Plesae don't tell what i did was noble & brave, because i can't stand reading that anymore).
For many years i was a Personal Trainer making a fairly decent living but i've now lost all that & everything that went with it. My days are taken up with Cocaine & Budwieser binges whilst watching daytime T.V.. (I can't stand anymore Maury Povich). I never venture outside & i won't even open my curtains. I fear this may contiue for some time & even though the assailant was sentenced to 10 years for this attack he will be outi on March 2013 & i'll, still be suffering from this.
I don't what else to add really, other than, thank you for taking time out to read my post..!!

Tommy Gun wrote:Hi everyone, i've been reading this forum for a while now & finally mustered up the energy to join today.
I'll just tell you a little about myself... I've suffered from severe depression now for almost 2 years, since i was almost fatally stabbed back in May '06. My 72 year old nieghbour was being 'car-jacked' & i tried to assist her, thus resulting in a stabbing to my chest. (Plesae don't tell what i did was noble & brave, because i can't stand reading that anymore).
For many years i was a Personal Trainer making a fairly decent living but i've now lost all that & everything that went with it. My days are taken up with Cocaine & Budwieser binges whilst watching daytime T.V.. (I can't stand anymore Maury Povich). I never venture outside & i won't even open my curtains. I fear this may contiue for some time & even though the assailant was sentenced to 10 years for this attack he will be outi on March 2013 & i'll, still be suffering from this.
I don't what else to add really, other than, thank you for taking time out to read my post..!!

Welcome to the forum Tommy Gun,
Glad you signed up and shared about yourself.
I understand not wanting to go outside. Trauma can really get to your insides fast. But once you work it out , you are self aware and good to go. yes it sounds like depression and Post Traumatic Stress.
Have you been treated by a doctor for either?
Alcohol is a depressant, and of course coke stimulates, so it would be hard for me to tell where my center was if I was self-medicating with the two.
Also coke can add to paranoia a great deal. I would hate for you to just sit in your house and wait til 2013.

That is giving the perp alot of control over your life. But maybe we can help you get it back, have you thought about it like that?

SmallTalkRed

I should of joined this forum ages ago..!
What you have just said there SmallTalkRed regarding giving the 'perp' a lot of control over my life is exactly what it is & i haven't thought of it like that until now, nobody did.
I do suffer from paranoia because of consuming large amounts of coke & the reason why i haven't gone to see a Doctor/Therapist is because i have panic attacks before stepping out.. After a few beers, i get really brave all of a sudden & have no problem stepping out, but i also turn into a real ass-hole.. I dunno, i'm really outta my depth here, totally lost..!!?:

Tommy Gun wrote:I should of joined this forum ages ago..!
What you have just said there SmallTalkRed regarding giving the 'perp' a lot of control over my life is exactly what it is & i haven't thought of it like that until now, nobody did.
I do suffer from paranoia because of consuming large amounts of coke & the reason why i haven't gone to see a Doctor/Therapist is because i have panic attacks before stepping out.. After a few beers, i get really brave all of a sudden & have no problem stepping out, but i also turn into a real ass-hole.. I dunno, i'm really outta my depth here, totally lost..!!?:

Tommy Gun,
Well there are meds out there that help and are healthy way of dealing with the loss of your active life. Panic attacks suck. Been there and there will always be triggers that you cant for see. So you
need to arm yourself with good medical treatment. I understand completely why you are self medicating, but it is not healthy and the doctor can give you medicine so you can step out of your house.
Really, a therapist and a psychiatrist can help you along and much further with sorting out issues and regaining control.
Happy to Help!