Recurring MDD: Am I Sad or Slipping Again?

Hi all,

I found out a few months ago that I was given the "diagnostic impression" of Recurring MDD. These results came out two years ago, but no one gave me my packet at the time; I had to ask my parents repeatedly while applying to colleges (where I am now). Because the only formal diagnosis I was informed of was ADHD, I assumed that this "diagnostic impression" meant that I didn't actually fit the criteria... Or that I may have fit the criteria, but for whatever reason, I was not given a diagnosis and therefore did not qualify. I haven't been tracking my moods, because of that. I haven't been identifying my lows as possible depressive episodes, because I wasn't aware that I should have been -- I assumed they were just ADHD-related burn outs and that I just needed a weekend to be "fine" again. However, after being reminded of the impression, I finally asked an old therapist what that meant, and she said she was very confused -- that I should have recieved a diagnosis. Two years ago.

tldr; As you may imagine, I'm rather pissed.

Anyhow, I think that I may also be suffering from PDD, because even when I'm "high"... I'm not exactly happy. Just functioning alright. My brief flashes of a genuinely good, unexplained mood, are so potent and obvious that for a while, I wondered if I had BPD, because it felt akin to mania. I realize that it wasn't, now. Just, happiness.

Anyway, I'll be speaking to a professional about this next Friday, finally trying to get all my symptoms on the table and find out what's really wrong. I'm not seeking a diagnosis here -- I'll get that soon enough.

But I do have a question.

Assuming that I really will be diagnosed with Recurring MDD as I should have been, as well as possibly PDD... How do I know when I'm entering an episode? If I'm always a bit sad, then "sad moods" should feel crushing as well, should they not?

How do I know the difference between situational "depression" and a true depressive episode, as part of my condition? Especially when situational factors can TRIGGER these episodes as well?

I don't want to claim to a friend "I think I'm having a depressive episode" if I'm not... but I also don't want to feel like I'm just being dramatic and sad when I'm actually depressed again...

Hopefully, you see my dilemma.

Thanks,

Pitch