I'm depressed and I don't know why

First, let me say, this might be a really stupid post and if it is then I apologize. OK, so, I am 16, female, live in the USA. I have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (I was diagnosed when I was 13, but I think I've had it for longer than that). My doctor says that it is biological, but what I don't understand is why it is happening. What I mean is that no one else in my family has depression. Other people in my family have mental illness, but not depression (I have an aunt who is schizophrenic and my mom has some problem, but I don't really know what the diagnosis is and she won't talk about it). My father was adopted, so maybe there is something in his family, but he definitely doesn't have depression. I've had things happen in my life that I know have led other people to be depressed, but those things don't really seem to affect me, at all (not in that way, anyway). Other things that other people have said "well, you've done this" or "this happened to you", those things don't really seem to make me depressed, at all, either. I have been suicidal, off and on, since I think I was 11 (and suicide is always in the back of my mine, though right now I am not consider doing it). No one in my biological family has ever committed suicide (or, as far as I know, even considered it). So why is this happening to me?

JessicaLuR wrote:why is this happening to me?

I'm not sure anyone can definitively answer why it happens. Inheritance, life experiences, how you react to those experiences, and how your brain develops can all play into whether or not you end up with depression. I think the important thing is you already have a diagnosis and are under the care of a professional. I'm happy you were able to talk to someone IRL and get support for yourself.

JessicaLuR wrote:no one else in my family has depression. Other people in my family have mental illness, but not depression (I have an aunt who is schizophrenic and my mom has some problem, but I don't really know what the diagnosis is and she won't talk about it).

Yes you can inherit traits from your parents, but if you are curious look back further to your grandparents. Sometimes the traits can be recessive and can seem to skip a generation but still be carried on to you. Also I think the saying "history doesn't always repeat itself but it often rhymes" applies here. You aren't necessarily looking for an exact match to your diagnosis, just a pattern. You are young and your brain is still developing. You diagnosis could change as you get into your early 20s.

So I am 25/f and am diagnosed with Recurrent Major Depressive Disorder. My depressive episodes happen in cycles. Medication makes the lows less intense but I still experience them. I wasn't diagnosed until college, but looking back I know I've been dealing with this since about 10th grade. I got through high school dealing with a lot of suicidal ideation and using unhealthy coping mechanisms to keep myself safe. And because I would eventually cycle out of my lows I just assumed it was over and wouldn't reoccur.

I know you said you are feeling ok atm, but ideally you don't want to be experiencing suicidal ideations. Please talk to your Dr about it if this is still happening to you. And try talking to your mom again. You deserve to know your family's medical history.

My dad looked back into our family history to trace our last name, genealogy and lineage as far back as he could.
There were generational 'gaps' and relatives that the family just didn't talk about and we knew little about them. Many were just as soon forgotten by the family. I have to think that some of these ancestors had mental illnesses or disorders.
50+ years ago there was a stigma about mental illness, disorders and alcoholism, etc. The medical community didn't understand it like they do today and there were few medications or treatments that helped.

Depression was called melancholia and alcoholism was just a moral failing of character. You were just 'defective' somehow.
Those afflicted could just 'cheer up' or stop drinking if they really wanted to. Some of my ancestors were institutionalized or placed in an asylum. Like they just simply dropped off the face of the Earth. We just didn't understand mental illness at the time and didn't know what to do with these people.
How sad that people had to suffer inhumanely like this, but we just didn't know any better at the time.
My dad's brother had electroshock therapy after the trauma of being a Marine at Iwo-Jima in WWII. He finally had a lobotomy in the early 1950's to make him forget what he experienced.
I remember him as being docile. He didn't show much of any emotion. He had to be cared for and was never really independent. I was sad for him. War does that to people.
Some depression is situational, such as loss or grief.

These days we live in enlightened times where we now know that depression and anxiety are treatable disorders and alcoholism (addictions) are a treatable disease.
We understand the mechanisms of brain chemistry, the bio-electrical firing across the synapses, nuero-transmitter action and how they affect the mind.
We are only beginning to understand these illnesses for what they really are and making great strides to treat them.

I was on a combination of meds about 20 years ago to treat my depression. The same meds were also used to treat my anxiety. Counseling was also provided along with the meds. It was intensive at first, then backed off as I got better and needed it less.
I am grateful for the people that cared for me and about me enough to help me get through a sad chapter in my teens and 20's and become successful at life.
Best of luck to you.

I'm confused. you keep saying the things that have happened in your life haven't affected you/made you depressed, yet you say you've been suicidal basically your whole life. seems to me, if you're suicidal, then you're affected by it.

I think you're either lacking the self awareness to recognize the connection here, or you're confused about what it actually means to be depressed. do you expect it to manifest in you in a certain way that you haven't experienced? do you not consider suicidal ideation a symptom of depression?

genuinely curious.

Thank you so much for replying. I know I've inherited other problems from my family. Maybe, as you said Shattered Mind, it skipped a generation and it is in my father's side of the family.

Thank you for telling me your story, Wally58. It is nice to not be alone.

Rainbow_sprinkles, when I say that those things haven't affected me I mean that I don't feel sad or down at all when I think about those things. They don't really bother me. I know that I have depression. I have almost every symptom in the DSM 5. What I'm saying is that I don't understand WHY I am depressed, when no one else in my family (at least that I know of) is depressed and I don't feel like it is the circumstances in my life making me depressed. If it is biological then others in my family should have it; if it is environmental then I should be able to point to SOMETHING that is causing the depression.

JessicaLuR wrote:Rainbow_sprinkles, when I say that those things haven't affected me I mean that I don't feel sad or down at all when I think about those things. They don't really bother me. I know that I have depression. I have almost every symptom in the DSM 5. What I'm saying is that I don't understand WHY I am depressed, when no one else in my family (at least that I know of) is depressed and I don't feel like it is the circumstances in my life making me depressed. If it is biological then others in my family should have it; if it is environmental then I should be able to point to SOMETHING that is causing the depression.

okay, but... you know depression isn't just "feeling sad," right? clinical depression is a result of dysfunctional brain chemistry, has nothing to do with your surroundings or events in your life, and doesn't always necessarily have a genetic component.

you would benefit from educating yourself on what depression actually is so you can understand your disorder better. self awareness is the first step on the road to recovery. good luck.

I do understand. I've been in therapy for almost 3 years and my therapist has gone over these things with me. Yes, I know that it is more than feeling sad. As I said, I have almost every symptom in the DSM 5. I get that it is biological. So, if it is biological and it isn't genetic then where did it come from?

rainbow_sprinkles wrote:clinical depression is a result of dysfunctional brain chemistry, has nothing to do with your surroundings or events in your life

Hi, out of curiosity do you have a reference for this? I could be wrong but if you look at the NIMH website "the cause is believed to be a combination of genetic, environmental, and psychological factors".

JessicaLuR wrote:So, if it is biological and it isn't genetic then where did it come from?

Well, you're missing half of your family history so it could well be in there. That said, aside from one cousin who is bipolar there in no history of any mental illness in my family - nothing - for the previous two generations. So even if you couldn't find anything on your Dad's side, you wouldn't be alone with that.

Going back to the beginning of this thread you wrote "I've had things happen in my life that I know have led other people to be depressed, but those things don't really seem to affect me." So to you these events were worth remembering. If they were unimportant you would have likely forgotten about them. This can change how you behave going forward even if it is not on a conscious level. Basically something bad happened to you or you saw something bad happen. Normally a person will protect themselves from that going forward, or at least try to. But it can have unintended consequences depending on how those events changed you.

I have always heard it is a combination of genetic/biological factors and environment, but my doctor told me that for me it was probably much more my biology. I haven't told him the things that I went through, but again I really don't think that those things affect my depression.

As far as the things that happened: it isn't that they aren't unimportant, it is that they don't really affect my depression - they don't make me feel sad or upset, at all. I have other people that I've known that have had similar things and they HAVE said that they are upset and bothered by them and they do think that it is a cause of their depression (I was in a depression group for teens for a year). Maybe you are right, maybe they are affecting me totally subconsciously, but I am not sure how I would know that, you know? Ha ha! But I do know that things can have unintended consequences.

Thank you to all the people who have been replying. You have all given me things to think about!