I want to die right now..

why can't I snap out of this feeling. I've been so depressed for the past 2 days it's really wanting me to just give in and let go. It's weird though, the people who contributed mainly to me feeling this way, is the only reason why my brains aren't scattered upon the ceiling.

me being depressed and trying to go through the day doing normal things just makes my depression worse. I feel like an absolute sack of $#%^ when i'm too tired/depressed to socialize at work or even say "hey, hows it goin? and I feel that people think I'm just an arogant little #####& who thinks he's king $#%^. I feel like such a retard

I hope this feeling goes away soon. I have things I need to do, but am not motivated enough, just enough to write these paragraphs and click between songs, ###$ my friends who are messaging me right now.

It's not often I'll get this bad, I'm never really up though, to the point where I have enough energy to carry normal conversations and socialize and be happy. Be happy, why is that so hard to be, let alone fake. I don't even have the energy today to hide my sadness, I have no reason to be sad, but I am.

I ###$ hate feeling like this...
I wanna feel good soon, thanks for reading guys... im done ranting.

DeepThinker,

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through a extremely ruff time. Have you considered seeing a doctor and the possibility of Medication. I know that it can help and possibly get you to the point of having a "good" day where you feel that you can function, socialize and be happy. Also know that we are here when you need to rant and will try to be supportive in any way we can. I do understand what it's like to have those days nothing seems worth it anymore but I also know that it can get better. It's hard for others to understand what you are going through if they have not been there themselves. I hope that things get better for you and that you are able to find something that works to make you feel better.

DeepThinker wrote:why can't I snap out of this feeling. I've been so depressed for the past 2 days it's really wanting me to just give in and let go. It's weird though, the people who contributed mainly to me feeling this way, is the only reason why my brains aren't scattered upon the ceiling.

me being depressed and trying to go through the day doing normal things just makes my depression worse. I feel like an absolute sack of $#%^ when i'm too tired/depressed to socialize at work or even say "hey, hows it goin? and I feel that people think I'm just an arogant little #####& who thinks he's king $#%^. I feel like such a retard

I hope this feeling goes away soon. I have things I need to do, but am not motivated enough, just enough to write these paragraphs and click between songs, ###$ my friends who are messaging me right now.

It's not often I'll get this bad, I'm never really up though, to the point where I have enough energy to carry normal conversations and socialize and be happy. Be happy, why is that so hard to be, let alone fake. I don't even have the energy today to hide my sadness, I have no reason to be sad, but I am.

I ###$ hate feeling like this...
I wanna feel good soon, thanks for reading guys... im done ranting.

DeepThinker,

The stairs coming up out of depression are always easier than that quick silver slide down in to it. I understand completely. I hope you are feeling better today. Let me know. People who deal with depression all the time, can get very tired.

Kathy is right about think of doctors and meds. if you have not tried it. Please give it some consideration.

I want you to know that I am right here, and you have support here. I never really feel up either, I have to work for it. I know it sucks when some people never feel down. I dont know what that is like.

I do know that I came very close to decorating the ceiling with the inside of my head, but I did not. I will never be that down again.
I hope this makes sense: On that day, I truly seen how out of hand all of me was, to the point that Part of me almost took my life from me. So I became a resolute protective human over how precious life is.

Look around, find beauty somewhere and tell what you saw,
I saw the stars and moon, Trees and felt the wind.
What do you see?

Hugs,
Red

I saw the wind and rain, and lightning flashing, and heard the thunder. storms are nice. I like the ones that blow the roofs off barns for some reason, even though there are no barns where I am and the "city heat" phenomenon keeps most storms from getting real strong here.

thing about being in a city, the heat from all the factories and output of central air and cars and machines and exhaust causes a constant zone of rising hot air over the city, which is why you usually never get tornadoes in big cities. they always pass us by in saint louis and go and destroy some small town over in illinois. oh well, little storm action going on here, gonna go stare out the window and enjoy it.

peace,
Spam0cles

Dam0cles wrote:I saw the wind and rain, and lightning flashing, and heard the thunder. storms are nice. I like the ones that blow the roofs off barns for some reason, even though there are no barns where I am and the "city heat" phenomenon keeps most storms from getting real strong here.

thing about being in a city, the heat from all the factories and output of central air and cars and machines and exhaust causes a constant zone of rising hot air over the city, which is why you usually never get tornadoes in big cities. they always pass us by in saint louis and go and destroy some small town over in illinois. oh well, little storm action going on here, gonna go stare out the window and enjoy it.

peace,
Spam0cles

Dam0cles,
I agree a powerful Thunderstorm can be quite beautiful with awesome power. All over the midwest, in the alley of tornadoes everyone is at risk. I am a weather geek. completely.

I dont think city heat, keeps tornadoes out though. Didn't O'Fallon get hit w/a tornado? like last spring? I love the massive storms that can brew up and of course being a geology nut I always watch the new madrid fault. But I would never live close to it. and St louis is toooo close for me.

enjoy your storm,
red

DeepThinker wrote:why can't I snap out of this feeling. I've been so depressed for the past 2 days it's really wanting me to just give in and let go. It's weird though, the people who contributed mainly to me feeling this way, is the only reason why my brains aren't scattered upon the ceiling.

me being depressed and trying to go through the day doing normal things just makes my depression worse. I feel like an absolute sack of $#%^ when i'm too tired/depressed to socialize at work or even say "hey, hows it goin? and I feel that people think I'm just an arogant little #####& who thinks he's king $#%^. I feel like such a retard

I hope this feeling goes away soon. I have things I need to do, but am not motivated enough, just enough to write these paragraphs and click between songs, ###$ my friends who are messaging me right now.

It's not often I'll get this bad, I'm never really up though, to the point where I have enough energy to carry normal conversations and socialize and be happy. Be happy, why is that so hard to be, let alone fake. I don't even have the energy today to hide my sadness, I have no reason to be sad, but I am.

I ###$ hate feeling like this...
I wanna feel good soon, thanks for reading guys... im done ranting.

DeepThinker,
I hope you are feeling better. Stress, depression all that crap sucks at your soul. I picture you like Atlas for some reason. Much stronger than the average chap. Most of us here are stronger and we are better people for it. Just thinking of you.

peace.
red

good mornin, red!


thanks for the response! Actually, city heat doesn't keep ALL tornadoes out, but it does discourage most of them, or so the local newscasters have said, and i think i also read about it somewhere.
yeah, saint louis has had a couple tornadoes in the past, and just a couple years back we had a huuuuge storm that knocked out power to a majority of the city, it was like our own mini-catrina, we had fema shelters and a state of emergency declared and everything. although that storm didn't quite reach tornado level, it did spawn tornadoes i think out in the suburbs, which may lend support to the city heat theory. although like i said, it doesn't keep ALL tornadoes and major storms at bay in urban areas. and, o-fallon is a big city, but its not in the main industrial hub of saint louis, which might also explain why it picked up a tornado recently.

the funny thing is, tornadoes usually bypass st louis, but then some small town in illinois across the river gets beat up. i live right by the river now, so I actually get to watch this phenomenon.

thing about the city heat phenomenon is, for years i've always wondered why big cities like st louis and chicago and new york hardly ever get tornadoes, but their suburbs get hit and small towns as well (i grew up in south missouri on the arkansas border).
I used to sort of jokingly suspect some sort of secret government weather control system, but then I heard on the news that dense urban areas, because of the constant hot air rising from factories, cars, cooling system output, etc, kept most tornadoes from forming, although there are exceptions where some get thru. I'd much rather believe in a weather control system though, lmao!

As for the faultline, yeah, heh, I am kind of living on the biggest ticking timebomb in the world. well, except for that supercollider they just built in europe, aka the black hole factory. that thing i think is just about to go operational, but anywho, back to the earthquake thing. there was like a mild earthquake in our area back when i was growing up in rural southern missouri, and i always remember it, because before the quake, there was this flat area leading off to the neighbor's farm, but after the quake there was a slight hill, lol! our house was already in some geological peril, as the slope we were on going the other direction was somewhat unstable. after i moved, i wonder if that house is still there? havent had the opportunity to go back. probably wouldn't be a good idea for various reasons.

yep, as for safe places to live, missouri is not a good idea, new madrid fault line, tornado alley, various strategic missile silohs and army bases. i've always thought maybe the northwest would be better, but i don't like cold climates, but heck, if it meant not being swallowed up when new madrid decides to blow and not getting carried off by an F-5, i think I could adjust, lol!

Anyhow, good talking to you, boy can I ramble.
Spam0cles

Dam0cles,

Jamaica, Jamaica, Jamaica!!! Ire mon!

yeah, that sounds good!

never been there, but i hear its a fun little island.

I prefer to be on solid dry land myself, but island life could be fun.

scotland sounds good to me. AND its got a fun little island nearby, ireland!

top o' the mernin' to ya!

Dam0

also, i kind of noticed I sort of hijacked this thread from deep. I'm sorry, are you feeling better? is looking for something beautiful each day helping? It's been a bit of a pickup for me. I've got a ton of stuff i need to do however, but insomnia has still got my sleep patterns fukakte, and still feel a lot of depression holding me back...

if you need to talk though feel free to jump in, didn't mean to hijack your thread here, and hope you feel better.

dam0