Convinced myself I'm not sick, now too scared to get help

Hi,
I'm a 16 year old guy, and I'm too scared to get help because I told myself I'm not sick. Just writing this sounds ridiculous, and I feel embarrassed because of it, but let me explain because I could really use some advice. (I'm writing whatever is on my chest, so I'm sorry if this post comes across as unorganized.)

Rationally thinking, I'm more or less sure I'm depressed and suffer from some kind of anxiety disorder. Most/ if not all symptoms of Clinical Depression match my current situation. I feel worthless, guilt, tired, hopeless, sad,.. but during the day I mostly just feel numb. Suicidal thoughts are not uncommon for me as well (I won't ever commit suicide, I have seen the aftermath. Can't do that to my friends and family) This has been going on for 2-3 years so it's become a part of my life. Recently, at night I can't get myself to sleep without loud music to supress my thoughts, and somehow, the sadness breaks through my shield I manage to keep up during the day. I've also gotten increansingly more anxious over the past few months, to the point where I am anxious so much it's getting in the way of keeping up my ''I'm totally fine'' act.

However, sadly, I don't think rationally about this situation. I think emotionally. I told myself constant stress and anxiety is part of everyone's life. I told myself that happiness is truly as rare as it is for me, and numbness is the way everyone's experiencing their life's for the vast majority of time.

I have been longing for drugs, alcohol, anything that will kill the noise. I don't use drugs, but I want to. This made me realize that I should probably get help, but I'm too scared to reach out. I keep telling myself I'm not sick because I really don't have much of a reason to be depressed, that I just have to suck it up and live with it like everyone else. I can't convince my subconcious I need help.

I'm sorry I wrote a book. I don't know how to overcome this fear. Do you have any advice for me?

I was also diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Those 2 often seem to go together and in my case, were both treated by the same medication. It's almost like one is the flip=side of the other.
I would avoid taking drugs and alcohol. While it seems that they might provide some relief to these horrible feelings, they might actually make your situation worse and interfere with any benefits of prescribed medications.
Addiction to drugs and alcohol was a problem that I had to overcome before any rehabilitation would work for me.
I was in an intensive therapy program that combined counseling with prescription medication for a few years. As my situation improved and I began feeling better, I was able to back off the regimen of counseling and meds.
I am grateful that I had doctors that listened and cared. Life is too short to be miserable, if it can possibly be made better.
Stress can be easier to handle when you don't feel so overwhelmed by it. It is one day at a time.
Best of luck to you.

My advice is to make an appointment with a doctor and tell them what you are dealing with. Don't make light of the situation because being suicidal is no light thing. And seek a referral to a psychiatrist. I was in the psych ward before I got help, almost at the point of no return. Don't let things get that bad. I got help and 11 years later here I am. I have my good days and my bad days too. I deal with bipolar I. Sending hugs, if wanted.