Is This Weird Experience a Symptom of Depression?

Background: I believe I have suffered with depression for several years. I have many symptoms including a complete lack of motivation to do just about anything most of the time (whether that's a physical or mental activity or something that involves both). Actually “complete lack of motivation” feels like an understatement because often it is accompanied by a fatigue (varying from mild to extreme, but usually closer to the latter) and a feeling of either muscle weakness and/or being physically weighed down (the latter making it feel very difficult to move).

However there are a minority of times when I do feel motivated to do something. I have noticed that sometimes when I feel like this I am able to act on the motivation and carry out a task that I have wanted or needed to do for some time, but at other times as soon as I think about taking action there is a sudden massive change in how I feel that is so palpable and sudden that it feels like I have just walked into a physical wall, hitting all my muscles and sapping them of energy, so that once again they feel weak and/or my body feels heavily weighed down, struggling to move through this wall. Is this a known symptom of depression? Do others sometimes get this? And are there any online references to this as a symptom from trusted medical and/or psychological sources?

FriendlyHermit wrote:Background: I believe I have suffered with depression for several years. I have many symptoms including a complete lack of motivation to do just about anything most of the time (whether that's a physical or mental activity or something that involves both). Actually “complete lack of motivation” feels like an understatement because often it is accompanied by a fatigue (varying from mild to extreme, but usually closer to the latter) and a feeling of either muscle weakness and/or being physically weighed down (the latter making it feel very difficult to move).

However there are a minority of times when I do feel motivated to do something. I have noticed that sometimes when I feel like this I am able to act on the motivation and carry out a task that I have wanted or needed to do for some time, but at other times as soon as I think about taking action there is a sudden massive change in how I feel that is so palpable and sudden that it feels like I have just walked into a physical wall, hitting all my muscles and sapping them of energy, so that once again they feel weak and/or my body feels heavily weighed down, struggling to move through this wall. Is this a known symptom of depression? Do others sometimes get this? And are there any online references to this as a symptom from trusted medical and/or psychological sources?

You sound like me. Yes it is a known symptom of a type of depression. This is the so-called atypical form of depression and also atypical or anergic dysthymia if it's a chronic baseline for your mood.

It's treated by dopamine boosting medication like Wellbutrin but for me that didn't work btw. It also is treated by various therapies, see below.

For me the therapies didn't go too deep yet either. I'm sure I could do better in this area but I intellectualize so heavily by default that it is going quite slow for now.

(NOT RECOMMENDED) What I have found works lately to make myself do things is a very painful thing and I know it can't go on like this forever. I'm just forced to do it currently if I want to be able to finish certain jobs I took on.

What works to get past that block you describe is "hyping up" myself into accessing negative emotion that's blocked out by default in atypical/anergic depression/dysthymia. It is extremely painful negative emotionality but once I managed to release it (by expressing it, alone of course), I'm able to move for a while without the "wall" or whatever blocks. I'm able to do whatever I set out to do then. Then of course the issue comes back later and then I have to repeat this process.

And what causes the crazy negative emotion is issues I was ignoring for years because my brain's default response is the anergic dysthymia, blocking out the issues and the negative feelings, that resulting in blocking out motivation for those areas of life where your brain would otherwise react with negative evaluations resulting in negative emotional reactions. And untended negative emotions just get this crazy bad after a while.

Solution? Confront the issues head-on, though you might want to take it slow and easy initially. Also, you have to find emotional and social support for being able to confront the issues and dealing with them. You have to acquire a toolset and build up a skillset for dealing with them and actually finally resolving them permanently.

But again, warning, it's incredibly hard to get into all that sh*t as described above, even with support. This is why I said, take it slow and easy first. It's even harder on your own. I'd warn against trying it alone because it increases the risk of suicidal thoughts/suicide if you make the task too hard and hence you feel unable to cope with the stuff.

A good link on conceptualization of dysthymia including the anergic version of it: https://www.nature.com/articles/4000906

Another good link describing more modes of treatments: http://misc.medscape.com/pi/iphone/meds ... iness.html


PS: If you want, you can talk here about what issues you feel are unsolvable that you ran from with the atypical depression.

Thank you SO MUCH AbstractInfinity1! That was such an informative reply. You have definitely given me a lot to think about (and probably some valuable stuff to act on). I will check out the links that you posted. Although I have read a lot about depression, I have read little about dysthymia (and the little that I have read I have forgot), so given that it now sounds like that is the variant that I have, that alone could be a very useful link.

Just to clarify my original question though – I understand that feelings of heaviness and muscle weakness are symptoms of depression (and I do often experience these symptoms with no apparent trigger). However I have not heard of anyone having these symptoms immediately triggered by the decision to carry out a task (physical and/or mental) and/or by taking the very first steps to carry out that task when moments before they had just been feeling motivated to carry out the same task. My question then to the forum - is that immediate triggering of those symptoms in that way itself a symptom of depression (or at least a common experience of some of those suffering with it)?

FriendlyHermit wrote:Thank you SO MUCH AbstractInfinity1! That was such an informative reply. You have definitely given me a lot to think about (and probably some valuable stuff to act on). I will check out the links that you posted. Although I have read a lot about depression, I have read little about dysthymia (and the little that I have read I have forgot), so given that it now sounds like that is the variant that I have, that alone could be a very useful link.

Glad if it was helpful. Btw, I meant specifically the atypical (or anergic) version of it, not simply dysthymia.

Just to clarify my original question though – I understand that feelings of heaviness and muscle weakness are symptoms of depression (and I do often experience these symptoms with no apparent trigger). However I have not heard of anyone having these symptoms immediately triggered by the decision to carry out a task (physical and/or mental) and/or by taking the very first steps to carry out that task when moments before they had just been feeling motivated to carry out the same task. My question then to the forum - is that immediate triggering of those symptoms in that way itself a symptom of depression (or at least a common experience of some of those suffering with it)?

My guess is that the dopamine issue in atypical/anergic dysthymia can cause it, yes. I have the exact thing you've described, anyway. Yeah, exactly at the point of trying to get into the task and yes it can be a physical or a mental task. It's a motivation issue in some way that to me seems to be related to the atypical/anergic dysthymia I got.

I would also have focus issues if trying to still somehow to push on with the task - if a task requiring mental effort/thinking. Do you have that too? I did find techniques to somewhat get around the focus issue itself, but the whole issue of starting the task is still difficult.


If I try to look at it from a psychological-emotional pov beyond the chemical one (dopamine issue in anergic dysthymia), I would also say that it's because something in me goes like "why bother?". A part of me wants to care but a big part of me goes "why bother" and then that's a problem. And then if I try to get beyond the "why bother" thing is when I get to go through the crazy negativity. Make sense?