Why can't I talk to anyone?

I apologize if this is in the wrong forum. I'm a freshman in college, and I've seen multiple counselors and therapists. I have never, however, recieved any sort of diagnosis or actual treatment. This year, I got another therapist after a while of feeling really emotionally disgusting, and I have been having a hard time in therapy. I can't seem to talk with her at all, qnd we've made almost no progress. She wanted to let me go on the third session because I seemed fine, but the fear that I was losing my only chance to get better made me cry in front of her, and that is the only reason she knew anything was wrong.

It's even confusing to explain my symptoms on an online forum. A big component of it is just feeling generally confused, and my feelings, especially related to my emotions, are really muddled by the present moment. I could feel driven to suicidal ideation one hour, but during my therapy sessions or even upon recollection I can't remember what happened, what i was feeling, or what led me to that. I also experience a lot of paranoia during some periods of time, so much so that I no longer have any close friends. I live like someone with social anxiety, except i wouldnt call my feelings fear. I don't think this is just depression, either. I could have bipolar, but my "ups" don't consist of rapid thinking, speech, lack of sleep. I'm quite peaceful and productive in my high moods, but in my lows, I have more of the manic symptoms like delusions, fast thinking, etc.
I feel that I may be one of the only girls my age who has nobody. I live with my family, but the last time I opened up to my mom, I told her I was sad, and she told me, "Isn't this what your therapist for?"

I was told initially (by a very unqualified professional) that I had anxiety and depression, and I was advised to meditate, which made me feel more out of touch with reality. When I missed so much school because i was sleeping all day, i was told i was hormonal. My current therapist tried to put me on meds the second session, and she STILL has no idea whats going on. My family loses interest in the middle of my sentences, every friend I start to drift away from doesn't even seem to care if our friendship goes, and I have no idea why I even get out of bed in the morning, let alone go to school. I've recognized this attern of general disinterest that people seem to have towards me, and it has led to severe self hate, but i have tried my absolute best to be the perfect daughter and sister and friend, and i think maybe this might be a component to why i am so isolated. I don't show any flaws whatsoever.

I've really been struggling my whole life. I've been bullied, my grades have slipped, I've been severely depressed for years now (so much so that I have chronic pain, probably because of it), and i dont even think anyone knows any of this. I'm starting to think this might all be my fault, and that maybe im just too quiet, maybe i just made myself become invisible. Its upsetting to even watch tv, or talk to anyone really, and hear about how "nobody's alone", or even that if you're considering suicide, you should talk to someone close to you. I'm really alone, and the one person who I'm paying to care about me can't even help me. I sit in that room practically screaming from the inside, and no one hears it. No one has ever heard it.

I'm sorry this is so long, I just really feel isolated. I don't have a problem with having few friends, but it would be nice to know that my family acknowledges me and supports me. It would also be nice to know what the hell is wrong with me, if there even is anything, and move on with my life. But how do I go about ending this really ugly quiet around me? Any advice would be nice, cause this isn't much of a life so far.

Depression and anxiety often go together and mine was treated by the same medications. One seemed to feed the other. I was simply overwhelmed and stuck by it.
I could feel alone in a roomful of people. Drinking used to help, but that turned against me.
A physical exam would be suggested if you haven't had one recently. Diagnosis should be the first step in treating anything.
Depression can make aches and pains hurt worse.
Trying to be perfect can be a hindrance to social interaction and treatment effectiveness. My own flaws keep me teachable and humble. I had a large ego with very little self-esteem in the past.
What changed? A life-threatening event, an epiphany, followed by a belief in a higher power that gave me a fresh perspective on how life was to lived.
It took an event to occur to me because I could not have made it happen otherwise. I was able to weep after decades of holding it all inside.
Ask for a diagnosis. Ask for a new therapist. Ask for what you need. Counseling should be able to help you help yourself. Cherish the small things before trying to make big things happen.
Best of luck to you.

I have felt the same all my life! At times I feel like it's other people just being completely disinterested in what I have to say (whether it's the topic, delivery, or what, I'm not sure).

But most of the time it IS me. I have programmed myself to put on a happy face for so dang long that even when I'm trying to talk to a professional, I make light of my depression and anxiety and end up saying things that are the complete opposite of how I'm feeling inside. Inside... I'm screaming, begging for some kind of relief from the darkness and dread. But I can't figure out how to get myself to speak the truth in an effective way to get people to understand the pain I feel physically and emotionally.

I think I have come to the realization that 1-on-1 therapy isn't helpful for me, so have been looking into group therapy. I think if the direct focus is off of me, I may have an easier time figuring out how to put my feelings into words. That's why I thought I'd give this forum a try.

I feel so alone all the time, but I hate being around other people because of the anxiety. I don't know if that's relatable, but want you to know you really are not alone.