Treatment Resistant Depression and Hope

I have struggled with chronic depression for maybe 12 years and have been in therapy and receiving medical treatment for the whole time. I am stuck in a really bad depression and find that these days I am much more hopeless because of all the failures of treatment. Can anyone relate?
I haven't tried ECT. My therapist is pushing it but my pdoc has been iffy.
I am open to trying it if it could help, but it feels like the last resort. If that doesn't work, it's just meds similar to ones I've already tried left. What kept me going in the past was hope that a medication would help. Now I am scared I will be stuck in suffering forever without escape. How have others found hope?

I have found hope in medication. I'm truly sorry the meds you've tried haven't worked. I am no doctor but I have tried so many meds for depression too. For a long time too. Just not quite as long as 12 years straight. Somehow, though, ever since I was 16, I did experience depression at different levels. I still have some depression at times. After 7 years of seeing a pdoc, I got a manic episode and I had "bipolar," so that had me on a different treatment which resolved my depression. But I still get depressed off and on. I am not always stable like I would like to be. Talking it out with those of us who understand "depression" really helps.

How are your days like, such as, in routine?

My uncle had this done after he returned from war and it did help him recover when nothing else could.
The practice still has an undeserved stigma about it. Today it is very safe and we know so much more about the benefits of it. Electro-shock is the next step when chemicals fail to help depression.
In a study, 80% of ECT patients said that they would have it done again if necessary (see wiki).
Has your pdoc given you a reason why he is 'iffy' about it?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electroconvulsive_therapy
There is always hope.
Best of luck to you.

Thank you for your replies.
quietgirl, I'm glad you have found help in medication, and it is reassuring that you found it after that long. I get wanting to have full recovery--coping with depression stinks, but I'm glad you have had some remission.
That's interesting your meds changed when your diagnosis changed and that helped you. BP runs in my family. I haven't had a manic episode before. I asked my pdoc if my treatment would be different if I was BP but she said no. Well, it's something to be mindful of.
Well, my anxiety about being hospitalized has given me some motivation to take action, so this last week my routine has been decent. I've exercised 30 min most days. I have work, which is challenging with my low mood at times, but overall helpful. I have some work to do reaching out to friends and socializing more, but I did some this week, and it was helpful.
Wally58, I am glad ECT was helpful for your uncle and I appreciate your point about the stigma. I suppose that could be part of it...just the anxiety about being in a locked ward as well and some of the unknown of what it will be like.
My pdoc is not convinced ECT would be helpful for my chronic depression, but she also said she is not super familiar with it. I got a second opinion from a pdoc who is more familiar and she said she thinks ECT could be helpful for me but I could also still try some other medications. My pdoc seems to feel at an impasse with medication. I'll talk to her and see what she thinks. I have pretty intense anxiety about doing ECT, like I said maybe from the stigma, I think a lot from my own obsessive worries about being away from the comfort of home and having some of my liberties restricted.
Anyhow, I also appreciate your reminder that there is always hope. It had never hit me on this level before that maybe I won't find the cure or something to at least help a little better. I've had a lot of panic/anxiety, but I must still have some drive somewhere inside of me, so I will keep trying, and may end up doing ECT.

When I was taking only antidepressants, I was also given Abilify which is an atypical antipsychotic that is also used for Bipolar treatment. It didn't help. With the BP diagnosis the doctor tried mood stablilizers like Lamictal and Lithium both at the same time because my depression wouldn't stabilize itself. That worked. So I take a mood stabilizer, an antidepressant, an antipsychotic drug, and even a sleeping pill because I have had trouble sleeping. Plus diazepam (valium) for anxiety. My treatment is completely different than only depression. It took me having a manic episode to get my diagnosis after suffering through depression for many years. So I do understand how you feel. Don't give up, please. I really do know what it's like to feel like you do. Hugs if wanted.

Hugs gladly accepted and I really appreciate you understanding. I did not have luck with the antipsychotics I've tried either. I was prescribed lithium years ago for treatment resistant depression but I have not tried lamictal. I will ask my pdoc. Now that I think about it, I did feel better on emsam, but had bad side effects. I wonder if it could be helpful so see a second pdoc and have the two coordinate, because the pdoc I saw about ECT had some ideas about meds. Thank you for helping me with hope.