can i ask you a question ?

I want to ask everyone who has or heavy depression or light depression how do you feel .
Are you feel sad all the time ? Are times that you feel happiness ? or you just feel empty ?

I'm diagnosed with major depressive disorder.

mostly I feel emptiness/boredom/apathy/anhedonia/lack of motivation.

and I feel sad/nostalgic/wistful a fair amount too.

I can experience moments of joy or excitement in response to external stimuli, but actually, internal happiness is extremely rare for me. I'm not sure I've ever truly been happy. I have been feeling pretty consistently peaceful lately which is quite pleasant, it really stands out because that's so rarely been the state of my existence.

I don't have a Dx- but I consistently score quite high on all the self-tests I've taken for Depression. I'm sure I have some mild-to-moderate chronic depression in some form.

I'm with Rainbow on this one. I often feel bored and apathetic. I have an underlying feeling of hopelessness at the futility of everything and wonder what point in trying, or living, and why does anyone bother with striving for anything.

I rarely feel internal happiness or contentment. I experience what RS describes- the term I've always used for it is 'surface emotions', but as usual, others are more articulate with it- RS nails it- response to externals. I can be happy/sad/excited etc. But it's all on the 'surface', deep down inside, I'm just blank or something. I suspect I have been like this for many years, but it didn't become obvious to me until my momma died a few years back, and my internal emotions flattened out enough for even a dummy like me to notice.

There's been the rare occasion that I feel something that my brain interprets as mania, but I don't know that I'm bipolar- I think what happens, is that once in a while, for maybe ten or fifteen minutes, whatever it is that has me, lifts and I feel content and happy in the moment, worry free, all the way thru. The lifting of that weight leaves me almost giddy. It's short lived- and it's only because I don't feel like, invincible or anything, that I don't think it's a manic episode. It was a bit of a shock when it occurred to me that maybe that's how other people feel normally..... content. What's that? I don't know if I could handle that.

Thank you for answering !
i feel similar feeling with you two.
Thats good i guess cause neither you or me are alone in this situation.
And with reading another people's problem is good because i can learn to feel compassionate and not jealousy or egoism.

Jealousy that other people don't suffer? Or a perverse enviousness of others being afflicted.

Sometimes, possibly because I have never gone to a professional, I think I have this perverse envy for people with Dxs... you have something official. A doctor said so. You can point to it and say see? That's what's wrong with me! Until I can bring myself to do that, I feel as if I always border on conjecture and a feeling of being false.

Also sometimes I think I have envied certain conditions, purely out of a (false) impression that life would almost be easier. DID is a big one with me for that. I may have alters- or they may be a product of an overactive imagination (which I suppose is what they are in a sense, anyway, but there's a difference). But the idea of being able to switch myself out for someone else to handle a problem is quite the siren song. In my own maybe-DID, I have learned to switch personalities over a little, and let my primary supposed Alt take over at times. It's freeing for her- she enjoys being voluntarily allowed to front, these days- and it relieves me of some tension. She drives home from work, a lot, and it's a nice (if temporary) de-stresser.

Or sometimes, the perverse wish to have a total breakdown. Which ofc would be terrifying. But a part of me wishes for escape from all responsibilities. As long as I have a grip on Reality (or my perception of it), I have to do grown-up, responsible things. If I could let go of that for a while... well, my life would be ruined. But how nice to have all my decisions made for me....

One thing I haven't had much problem with, is resenting people without serious issues. And if someone overcomes their issues in these forums, that's always welcome news and I'm happy for them.

I have a problem with jealousy.
If a person is sad or happy aand tell me his or her problems i will feel jealousy because i think they will have more attention than me or that theirs problems or they happiness will be more important than my problems or my happiness.
And if i feel a person is superior than me i believe that i must be like that person.
I have a friend who he is superior than me and if he is happy or sad or anxious or angry i think i must be happy or sad or anxious or angry too , and for example if he is anxious and i am not i am jealous and i feel inferion and empty i wish i was anxious too.
I quess this is because i feel empty like i cant give anything to anyone like i have nothing to do or say in this life.
I mean it thats how i feel.
I read your message and i am glad that you said something about you.
Sorry if i didnt say anything for you .
Maybe something i am good at is i am good listener although i dont know what to say as advice or what to feel , i suppose i must feel the same feelings with the person in front of me but i cant and its difficult.

Depression is different for everyone, so some people may feel as though they are stuck in a constant "low", and others may feel emptiness and/or boredom.

I'm diagnosed with severe MDD, and for me, feelings can fluctuate between intense grief and intense emptiness. I can feel happy, but ever since the onset of my depression, I've been noticing that my happy moods are beginning to decline more and more.
I feel depressed for most of every day. My mind does not give me a weekend or even a day off-- usually, not even an hour off. When I do feel happiness, it is often short-lived. It's usually because my girlfriend and I are having a positive conversation, which then the happiness lasts for however long the conversation is. It dies quickly after, because of the silence on the call which makes me think she doesn't like me. Small things that used to put me in a good mood (someone being nice to me, receiving compliments, getting good grades, going to amusement parks, etc) no longer put me in a good mood, and if they do, it's incredibly short and dull.

My emptiness is less frequent than my sadness, but it is still daily. I haven't really picked up a pattern with it yet, but it's a feeling of something unknown, different from the usual cravings of nonexistence-- yet I don't know what I want. I feel completely unmotivated. I feel like I should be sad, and sometimes I even want to, just because of how scary the impassiveness is. I don't care about anything or anyone, and I want to ignore it all.

In conclusion, depressed people can go through stages of depression, emptiness, and some happiness. It really just depends on the person.