I want to die.

I've been struggling with my weight my whole life. I was bullied in elementary because of it and I feel it follows me wherever I go. I was eating food my dad brought home tonight and he tells me I've gained a lot of weight this summer. And he kept going on and on. I don't think he was trying to be rude. He was telling the truth. I have gained a lot of weight. I feel I'm always going to be a fat waste of space who can't control her eating habits. I have self harm scars on my leg and one has turned into an ugly keloid that's probably permanent. Who could love someone with that many scars. I hate myself and I'm probably going to kill myself soon. This time I'm going to make sure it happens. I'll be sure to leave a note telling everyone it's none of their faults so they won't blame themselves.

Why do you want to die? What if you are gaining weight? There are lots of people who have gained more weight than you and still leading a cheerful life. What if you are occupying more space? There is still lot of space left. It's your depression that is making you think like this. We none of us want you to die. We want you to conquer your depression and live. Your weight doesn't bother us in the least, nor your scars. It's your depression that bothers us. So please take treatment for it.

Often when I think I want to die, it's more properly, a desire to run away from myself, my problems. Just that things will stop being as they are. Do you think maybe you could say that, about this, sweetie?

chewbaca wrote:I've been struggling with my weight my whole life. I was bullied in elementary because of it and I feel it follows me wherever I go. I was eating food my dad brought home tonight and he tells me I've gained a lot of weight this summer. And he kept going on and on. I don't think he was trying to be rude. He was telling the truth. I have gained a lot of weight. I feel I'm always going to be a fat waste of space who can't control her eating habits. I have self harm scars on my leg and one has turned into an ugly keloid that's probably permanent. Who could love someone with that many scars. I hate myself and I'm probably going to kill myself soon. This time I'm going to make sure it happens. I'll be sure to leave a note telling everyone it's none of their faults so they won't blame themselves.

I am overweight. By my old Endocrinologist's words, I'm obese, and frankly my dear, I say to myself, I don't give a damn. But it does bother me sometimes. It's very hard to be me, live my own life and not be overweight. Be honest and kind to yourself. For me, when you look at the real truth of the matter it's not like I wake up each morning and say oh, I want to be overweight, it's much more than just being overweight for me. I have real issues I deal with. I take medications that affect my metabolism, things like that, that I have absolutely no control over. And then there's the me that has a hard time going for a walk because sometimes I'm so depressed I can't even get out of bed. Sending hugs if wanted.

One person's fat, is another person's 'curvy'. There's too much obsession with thin. Definitely not something worth you beating yourself up over, Chewbaca. I know it's hard not to- and we all want to be a healthy weight- but I think wanting to feel better and better about oneself, isn't the same as feeling as if your worthless or somehow diminished, because of some extra pounds. It's okay to be the first thing- but you're just making yourself miserable if you buy into the idea that you're horrible for being overweight.