The worst possible outcome

It seems that whenever mental illness is dicussed, the worst possible outcome is always portrayed as suicide. I think the worst possible outcome is suffering itself. I wish I could commit suicide but I just can't. I know it's a childish thought but I wish I could get a terminal illness so I could die peacefully and soon, in my bed. Maybe the reason I don't want to committ suicide is that I'm not depressed enough. I don't know. Are the suicidal feelings directly connected to the degree of suffering or are there other factors involved?

I think suicide is a sign of despair and feeling hopeless with no way out. IDK exactly what to say since I can't relate to feeling so low, however I have been low different times throughout my life and needed a kind heart and good ear. You should talk with someone, someone who can be bias towards your feelings and thoughts. A good friend is just as good as a professional, probably better since they have invested love into you. Nothing beats a nice long chat and a few tears with your best friend. If you don't have one, see a professional. Best of luck.

I have another thought. Could it be that slinical depression as a diagnosis is sometimes superfluous? As in, there's another disorder that can explain the dysphoria a person experiences? In my case, it's a personality disorder. That could explain why I dont want to kill myself. Maybe if I had depression, I would be able to kill myself.

Another thought. Could it be that the lack of suicidal feelings can be explained by a diagnosis other than depression? So that the dysphoria is explained by another type of mental illness, the diagnosis of depression being superfluous?

I suppose that any chronic mental, spiritual or physical pain can make us wish for it to just end. It is the chronic despair and hopelessness that never abates that must be ultimately more painful.
I was just in a constant state of apathy for many years. I didn't care one way or the other.
I hung on long enough, it got worse, I asked for help and then it got better.

I can relate to this and I think some people do to. I'm very glad you are not depressed enough.

I have huge mood swings. I'm happy one moment and really unhappy the next. I wish i could help. Any time you feel bad, post on here.

Depressed888 wrote:It seems that whenever mental illness is dicussed, the worst possible outcome is always portrayed as suicide. I think the worst possible outcome is suffering itself. I wish I could commit suicide but I just can't. I know it's a childish thought but I wish I could get a terminal illness so I could die peacefully and soon, in my bed. Maybe the reason I don't want to committ suicide is that I'm not depressed enough. I don't know. Are the suicidal feelings directly connected to the degree of suffering or are there other factors involved?

It took me a short while to reply to this post because it hit so close to home. I went through those feelings for a long time because I was diagnosed as clinically depressed, when in fact, I had bipolar I. The depression would never go away. It was always there and the doctor and I kept trying different medications and a few times I would get so bad I would go to the psych ward to make sure I was safe. I was ok. But this post is about you, not me. So, you think the worst possible outcome is suffering itself? Indeed it is terrible to live a life with only pain, emotional pain that never seems to be alleviated or fixed. But in my opinion, you have lost sight of there being any hope. Hope is something good to hang on to. Suicide is a tragedy. I know where you come from and I empathize with you completely, but it doesn't take away the fact that a person was in so much pain that they took their own life and it is a sad and regrettable tragedy because it was a person who someone cared and loved. Someone cares and loves you and they will hurt so much knowing you are gone, knowing you lived and died in so much pain. Do you currently see a doctor? Do you see a therapist.

Once I had a manic episode, the doctor started treating the bipolar very aggressively by trying different drugs and different dosages. I eventually became stable. There are so many pros and cons to having bipolar so it's very hard to describe it in just a few sentences, but bipolar is so easy to drop in mood or go up in mood. I have been stable and then unstable and working back again to get stable and round and round it goes. I"ve been stable for maybe 4 or 5 months now, but the drugs started working since 2013.

Please let your therapist and doctor know how you are feeling. Sending big hugs if wanted.

Are the suicidal feelings directly connected to the degree of suffering or are there other factors involved?

I'm no expert here, but just based off of what I have felt. I have felt myself go to wishing I was dead and really meaning it, to being unable to ward off desires of dying constantly, then to the other too, where I actually made an attempt and gladly was unsuccessful. I didn't go and wake up the next day to saying interiorly "I am so glad I'm alive!" It took me quite a long time to want to live again, to wish for another morning to come again and to be glad that I was on the path to being well. It was me feeling well and really desiring to live each day, but the first thing that had to happen was to keep me alive in order to be open to all the goodness that there is to feeling alive. You're not alone. Please keep writing here if you feel comfortable doing that. I know and I hope you believe me that "you are not in a good place," and that it's not your fault. Be kind to yourself and get help. You cannot do this alone. You need a doctor and you need medication. I apologize if I went on and on, but this one post was dear to my heart. You are very brave to post your deepest and innermost thoughts.