Lost *TW*

I'm not clinically depressed but I didn't know where else to post.

I feel lost in my career and personally life, I don't know where I'm going anymore or why I'm trying to get there somewhere along the way I lost sight of who I am and I feel like it's been so long now I don't even know who that person was or how to get back to that person. I look at myself and I don't understand how I got to this point I used to be so positive and hopefull but somehow I seem to be stuck in a loop of bitter and venomous thoughts and I can't escape it no matter how hard i try and it's bad for everyone I can see it destroying relationships and slowly infecting those who are close to me I can't keep hurting the ones I love it's not fair but I don't know what to do I try to keep it inside away from those people but in or out the damage is there. All I know is I'm hurting the ones I love most in the world and that is destroying me.
I don't know if I can cope much longer with this, I'm sinking and I don't know how to stop it or even fight it is don't know what to do or how to even express my true fears about it even this attempt is poorly done I just don't see a way out I'm to much of a coward for suicide not to mention being even more fearful of how that would effect my loved ones and I can't explain how I really feel well enough to get the help I need.
I'm sorry if you have been reading this hole thing and also thank you.

Hello, publiceye. I just wanted to reply since no one else has written anything. Unfortunately, I am feeling exactly the same way as you wrote, so I can't think of anything helpful to give. I just wanted to let you know you're not alone in this.

I will apologize first, in case you've already heard this a million times, but have you ever seen a therapist? I see one currently and sometimes I feel so depressed I go in there crying because I am overwhelmed with sadness or my issues. And well, I don't mean to cry but there is so much bottled up emotion that I just can't share with others. Everyone thinks that if you sit and bake cookies with them and they smile at you and pat you on the back that you will feel so much better. And that just didn't work for me so I felt even more miserable. I never talked to them about how I felt again. I still talk to them but I'm always "doing great!" when they ask. I smile real big and just mutter something under my breath as I walk past them.