Nothing works out for me and I'm sick of trying

About two years ago I came up with this silly idea that I wanted to live in a tiny home. It's all been a downward spiral since then. I was living quite comfortably but needed to make a little more money to be able to save for the house and hit my 5 year goal. I took an out of state job that paid $4,000/month! It was too good to be true and it ended up being more of a seasonal thing... 3 months to be exact. Surely it would pick up again, right? Nope.

Well, that's ok. I have a car so I can be an Uber driver and look for more employment. Nevermind! Some idiot with a drivers license ran a red light and my car is totaled. I'll take a job at this preschool while I look for more work. Well, that didn't work out either because instead of making the $1400/month that I predicted it was more like $800. No time to take off work. I need to work hard for that $200/week! Oh, and they need me to pay for classes to keep that job. Can't afford the classes...

Fine! I hear cam models make good money. I'll do that and save for my tiny house. Oops! It pays more like $100 a week. Well damn! I never thought I'd be willing to do it but I can give escorting a try until I have enough for a car. Who knows! I may make a lot of money doing this! Well, I'm not getting any business...

Now I find myself wondering if I can be a street walker. It's dangerous and not exactly glamorous but how am I going to pay the bills?

At this moment I am seriously wishing I were dead. I have been in and out of the hospital for a year now. I would go back but I have lost my Medicaid coverage due to them believing that I make $3,000 a month which is very ironic because I wouldn't need to go to the hospital or see a therapist if I were making that sort of money. I feel that I am literally out of options.

I have moved this topic to Clinical Depression Forum but have left a shadow so that it can be viewed and receive replies from both forums.

Your situation sounds 'bad.' My heart goes out to you. Can you stay with a relative or maybe even a friend until you reapply for Medicaid. You really need some help with your financial situation and I hope you receive that help soon. Let us know how you are.

Thanks for that reply... I was in a pretty bad place when I wrote this post. I got my health insurance back so that's something good that happened. Also, I got my new ID in the mail so I can look for work. It would be a lie to say that I'm happy, but I have been hopeful.

I'm so glad you got your health insurance back!!!

I know what you mean about being hopeful and not quite feeling "happy." I can't blame you. It's like we want EVERYTHING to be perfect in our lives. At least that's how I see it. Money is a big issue and things like getting your ID are great, but so is finding a job and starting to get a paycheck. Good luck to you and let us know how it goes.