Im just sick of everything and life honestly sucks whats the

Hi everyone, Im currently 5 weeks into yr 12 and I honestly am sick of everything (not just school but life in general). I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression early 2016 I also have really bad self esteem and I got put on a mental health care plan but Iv havn't achieved anything with my psychologist I feel like every time i go im wasting my time, i feel uncomfortable, i dont connect with her, i only see her for 10 sessions a year which is very little as its on the plan and im 17 and cant afford to pay for therapy and I don't see the point, I had a session today and she said that i'm "hard to read' and that I always seem so put together, she thinks i'm doing ok and that i wont need to see her much longer just a catch up hear and there but i'm honestly getting worse I have been so down and sad most of the time since school started I have cried at least 4 times in every class because I feel stupid and worthless and if I don't get 100% i'm not happy I got a B+ on my first biology test and I was so disgusted with myself and like I suck and everyone is better and Im a burden, the anxiety is doing my head in and Iv started self harming again for the first time in 3 years and I have no clue why I just want to do it (iv only been doing this for 2 weeks) but I told her I was fine and Im honestly so glad I don't have to go to therapy anymore I have always wanted to be a psychologist but now i'm starting to think therapy is a bunch bollocks and a waste so im really conflicted. I also don't know what the heck to do I wont tell my parents any of this I HATE them being involved in my life especially emotionally and I also am really depressed about how even if i need help 10 sessions a year wont do much and I need more to connect with someone and I cant afford the sessions and neither can my family it just isn't possible and the fact that my family is struggling with money and I don't have any stresses me out. I also have a lot of relationship issues with my step dad and dad so that causes lots of fighting. even my body issues are getting worse I honestly am disgusted by my reflection I cant look in the mirror in the school bathrooms because I look so fat and gross and weird looking. Even my teachers are sick of me because im so negative all the time I also cant do any of the assignments by myself because i need reassurance i'm right, I feel pathetic I have no clue what the point of anything is anymore.

Hi,

I'm sorry you having a rough time. I know what's that like.

One of the mistakes we all make in seeing our counselor/psychiatrist is not being open or honest. If something is going on in our lives we need to share this information. Share everything and anything that they need to know. Sometimes I wish my counselor was tougher with me, at the same time I also wish they were more gentle. But no matter what they are, they are not mind readers so it's really important that we open up.

I'm here if you need to talk. Please be safe. I know it's easy to fall back on cutting.

Amanda