Suicidal Piece of Crap *TW*

I don't know what else to do. I'm feeling really suicidal.
My parents took me to this Christian therapist yesterday who basically is going to try to get me to change my sexuality by preaching the word of God to me and "telling me what I don't want to hear". My personal therapist recommended my family and I go to family counseling so my parents chose a Christian therapist because that's where they feel "most comfortable".
We prayed before the session and I told her one of the issues that my family was dealing with was my sexuality and she said "I'm going to have to save that for another session between me and you and I'm probably going to tell you something you don't want to hear" and she said something about Satan taking over the world.
Guys, I'm tired of fighting. I just really want to die. I'm tired of being depressed and angry, and powerless. I just really want to die. It's better than going through what I'm going through. It doesn't get better at least it doesn't for me.
I keep staring at my ceiling fan picturing myself *mod edit*and it's been like that for days. I think I may do it.

Don't die. Find your own therapist. Tell your parents you want a therapist, not a preacher of religion.

Do your parents know you are suicidal? Because if my child was feeling this way I would do everything I could to make them feel well, such as taking them to their own nonreligious therapist and seeing a doctor if they needed medication. It is not right to force their own ideals or whatever they call them, these beliefs, on to you. They are misguided because you are you and no one can change that, nor should they. Be strong. Hospitalize yourself if you get to a point that you feel you are a danger to yourself. You are a good person.

Do your parents know you are suicidal? Because if my child was feeling this way I would do everything I could to make them feel well, such as taking them to their own nonreligious therapist and seeing a doctor if they needed medication.

That's the whole point. My mom wants to go to this therapist so she can agree with her about not accepting me. She doesn't want a therapist to accept me. This lady isn't even a licensed therapist. Her title is a counselor. She makes it clear that she's a christian before counselor and it shows in her approach.
I feel trapped. I don't know what else to do. No one accepts me and my family probably thinks I'm going to hell anyways.

That clearly means you can't depend on your parents. You must take charge of yourself possibly antagonizing them in the process. But suicide is NOT the solution.

Well, if it makes any difference to you, I accept you for who you are. I'm just an online person, a moderator, and I was catholic Christian, and I know you won't go to hell. Why, because why would a good God punish you for being who you are, that is my belief and no counsellor or other person can convince me otherwise. But, those are just my thoughts on that. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs. Hugs if wanted.

I do not believe antagonizing your parents is a solution either, but you can certainly speak your mind in a calm manner.

quietgirl2538 wrote:Well, if it makes any difference to you, I accept you for who you are. I'm just an online person, a moderator, and I was catholic Christian, and I know you won't go to hell. Why, because why would a good God punish you for being who you are, that is my belief and no counsellor or other person can convince me otherwise. But, those are just my thoughts on that. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs. Hugs if wanted.

I do not believe antagonizing your parents is a solution either, but you can certainly speak your mind in a calm manner.

I've been thinking I've been struggling with BPD for the longest so my attempts to have those kinds of conversations go south. I have threatened suicide numerous times and have yelled at the top of my lungs to the point where my mom almost called the cops on me. It sucks because I push my parents away but then I want a relationship with them at the same time.
I don't know how to speak in a calm manner about this.

My reply is to "just try" to not speak to your parents in this manner. Apologize and tell them you are trying to do better. But that it is really hard. Ask for a professional therapist so you can get help for this.