Having a Difficult Time Coping With Depression and Anxiety

I cannot find any resources for help. The websites for my province, and country are useless. They offer some pages to read information about disorders, but because of underfunding you can't access anything. Except prescriptions. You just need a walk-in clinic doctor to prescribe medications, they are not very expensive either. But they don't help me. I need counselling services.

I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression in 2005. I took several different types of medications since then. SSRIs, SNRIs, MAOIs, and an antipsychotic in 2012.

I don't remember which specific medications they were.

I was diagnosed again in 2012, by a registered psychological, with social phobia, and major depressive disorder. I saw this psychologist as part of an employment training program to determine if I was mentally capable of under going the training.

The anti-psychotic helped my anxiety, but only because I felt so detached from myself. Like I was half asleep. I stopped taking it because I couldn't focus, or really do anything. It was like being drunk, but calmer.

None of the previous medications helped with my disorders. Medications are not meant to help most people, they are meant to help people seek real help (counselling, CBT, social support, etc.). Not including those who do require medications for their disorders.

Recently I don't really leave my house unless I have to. And I have a hard time falling asleep because I feel like I need to do things, I feel tired, but I don't want to sleep. I feel too anxious to even watch TV shows on Netflix, or read, or listen to music. I feel like I need to do something, but I don't know what.

I have been trying to find mental health support, but there is nothing available. I don't have any addictions (I don't use drugs and rarely drink), and I am not suicidal (although I hate myself and my life, but I don't want to die, I just don't want to be me), which means I am not a priority. And it has been more than two years since I have been unsuccessfully trying to access counselling. CMHA claims there are resources, but I contacted the clinics listed and only private (not covered by health care) clinics are available.

I feel worthless, and hopeless, and abandoned by the health care system. And unimportant to society, and not worthy of being helped. Useless, and pointless.

I am sorry you are facing these difficulties. You will find a lot of information in this forum to help you. In the end, you may need to seek out professional help. But go through the site and see if you can find some help. You are in my thoughts and prayers. If you have specific questions feel free to post them. I know someone will answer them. If you want to PM (Private Message) me you may also do that.

Amanda