Anhedonia

Anhedonia is the inability to feel a sense of pleasure or reward from things you would normally feel rewarded or pleased by. I don't think anhedonia is its own disorder, but the term is used clinically sometimes. I have anhedonia and I wanted to see if anybody feels the same. I'm stuck doing nothing because I can't make myself care because nothing brings a sense of reward. I was supposed to write an article for work this morning but I didn't, even though writing articles and essays used to make me feel good in the past. The thought of pay from work doesn't motivate me either. Because I don't really care what happens to me.

My dad is taking care of 90% of my finances and I'm just trying to do a little writing job on the side because it's all I can do. But I can see my future. I'll leech off dad until he dies or can't make money anymore. Because even though I love dad, I just can't care about work. Work and money do not bring me any sense of accomplishment. Then, I suspect my older sister would take me in with the expectation that I work part time. I will fail at the job like I always do because I don't care enough to go. After that, my sister will tire of me. Eventually I'll be homeless. And that thought doesn't even scare me. I don't care.

I don't want to do anything because nothing is *worth doing. It's easy to say "just do it anyway," and a part of me is clinging to that, which is why I haven't tried to kill myself in 5 months. But it's not enough. I'm not doing what I should be doing. I'm unhappy with myself. Yet I can't help it. I just don't care.

i used to feel unhappy with stuff i otherwise enjoyed. i still feel but that's okay.
i try not to give my unhappiness that much importance. i'm not all cheerful and delighted about life, but its better than earlier.

you may not want to do stuff, or may not care but still its better to do stuff. i did not care about my earlier job and left it. wasted 3 years of my life and now when i look back i regret not taking work seriously.

i would've been at a good post now, would've had a stable career by now.

you may not care now, but later on you may start to care. and at times we have to do stuff even if we dont care. like most of the time i hate to eat food. but i just eat a fruit cause that's easier n quick to eat. i dont care but i need to eat it. my body needs the nutrients.

and frankly no one is passionate about life/career. people have fun in other areas of life. like friends, movies. with depression its hard to be happy or smile. so everything feels worthless.

it may be. could be that it's all just a waste.
but its better to do stuff than live a blank life and regret later. at least thats what i think.

I'm also experiencing anhedonia, as I'm experiencing a depressive episode (I have bipolar disorder). It makes me feel sadder to have "lost" interests that normally I enjoy, but I remind myself that the depression will go away at some point, along with anhedonia. Take care.

basically the worst part of my life

2 years of numb hell