"Depression is treatable" my arse..

I am so sick of hearing "depression is treatable, if you just get the right treatment you can recover"..

I'm sorry, but that's #######4.

Maybe for people who are experiencing their first episode of depression.. Maybe for people who are recovering from their 3rd episode with YEARS between episodes.. Then yeah.. I can understand the whole "you can recover" statement in those situations..

But me? Me? Me who has been down the bottom of the pit for the vast majority of my life? Me who has been in councilling, psychotherapy, psychology, psychiatristry, in hospital, on every med, wishing I was dead for over 20 years.. How do I recover???

What even "is" healthy mental health? What is that?

I can maintain a positive outlook on life momentarily.. Like for half a da

-- Tue Dec 13, 2016 4:57 pm --

Half a day.. But it's fake.. So fake!

I've tried everything. I can't stick to anything. If I get a job, I can't hold it. I'm too crazy. I'm too weird. I'm too hard. I try. I try so hard to be 'normal' atleast act normal.. And I can.. In small doses.. I have a 2hr limit before the crazy bursts out.. How can I live like this?

If these "episodes" were shorter & further between, I could (maybe) cope.. But I've been "medically unfit" for work for over 2 years now.. Screwed up every job I had before that.. "Off work" for 2 year stints.. What did I do to deserve this life?

I can sense your frustration and I believe you in the sense that your depression is still there. Will it get fixed, I wish it would. I don't know the future, I can only hope for the best for you. And also I can understand some of the things you share. I had been depressed 25+ years. Since I was 16. In the end I got diagnosed bipolar I. My depression ended. That is not to say you have bipolar, I am merely sharing my story. It sux to be depressed for so much of your life. I empathize with that. Is there a cure. Obviously for you, there hasn't been one...yet. I hold out hope for you. Vent all you want, as it's understandable. I used to feel as if I only existed and was devoid of feeling. I had no desire nor will to live. I understand a little bit of what you feel. Hugs if wanted.

Big, big hugs if wanted.

Depression is *in general* treatable. But that doesn't mean 1) you'll get 100% fixed, or 2) that EVERYBODY can be treated. Something that I have witnessed when hospitalised was that two people I was there with were receiving electroshock therapy and both of them raved about it – one said she's been depressed non-stop for years, and after two sessions she felt it lift for the first time. I haven't spoken to her since and that was two years ago, but I hope that the positive effect continued for her.

By the way, I've been on disability because of ultra-ultra-rapid cycling bipolar I since 2012. It's not a nice feeling for someone who took pride from his independence and ability to overcome all obstacles. I'm largely medication resistant, either have such terrible side effects that the meds have to be stopped, or simply nothing happens. When I finally gave up fighting to get "fixed", my life became much easier. No, I am not working, I am not exactly happy happy joy joy all the time, but I learned that – well – other people are born with Down syndrome, with diabetes, get cancer. I've got a funky brain. I don't like having it, but nobody asked me if I wanted one.

When I got diagnosed, I was crying "why me" on my therapist's desk. He told me: take a piece of paper and write down reasons why it should be somebody else. I couldn't come up with anything. Because those things don't happen for reasons. They're random.

I tried my best to be/act normal. It took me all the way down to a place where there seemed to be only one exit – a permanent one. And then I finally gave up trying to be "normal". I'm myself now. That person is definitely not "normal". I'm the crazy one. It's okay. Somebody has to be. I embrace my crazy nowadays. Sure, when I am too depressed to undertake the trip to the toilet it's not exactly nice or easy. When I am too manic to sit in one spot because my hands want to be in the kitchen, legs are walking to the bedroom and head is screaming out loud, that's not nice or easy either. I dyed my hair a very unusual colour. I'm wearing weirdest clothes in this neighbourhood. It doesn't matter how hard I pretend or try to be normal, because I am not, and never will be. And I noticed that when I am too depressed to get out of the house it still feels nicer to sit on my sofa staring on the wall when I am wearing my punk tartan pants than old stretched Nike ones I had for a decade – and they take the same amount of time to put on.

I don't know if any of this is helpful, and I hope I didn't upset you – if I have, it was absolutely not my intention and I apologise. I hope you find peace within yourself, whatever that will prove to be.

quietgirl2538 wrote:I can sense your frustration and I believe you in the sense that your depression is still there. Will it get fixed, I wish it would. I don't know the future, I can only hope for the best for you. And also I can understand some of the things you share. I had been depressed 25+ years. Since I was 16. In the end I got diagnosed bipolar I. My depression ended. That is not to say you have bipolar, I am merely sharing my story. It sux to be depressed for so much of your life. I empathize with that. Is there a cure. Obviously for you, there hasn't been one...yet. I hold out hope for you. Vent all you want, as it's understandable. I used to feel as if I only existed and was devoid of feeling. I had no desire nor will to live. I understand a little bit of what you feel. Hugs if wanted.

Thanks for listening quite girl.

It never goes away.. If it does, it's not gone for long. Nothing helps long term..

It has been suggested I/We have Major Depression, Anxiety, OCD, Insomnia, C-PTSD, BPD, Explosive intermittant anger, bipolar, MPD/DID, paranoid personality disorder, with mild auditory & visual helucinations & suicidal ideas.. Among other things I'm sure I've forgotten.. But doc says we can't have all of those conditions & in isolation we fit the diagnostic criteria for all of them, but the truth is we are traumatized. Abused from age 6. This is the world we know. I don't know if we will ever 'unlearn' our way of being.

I feel like you say.. Barley existing.. I wish I had some answers.. Might be time for another in stay..

totally agree with you. im the only one in my family with any sort of mental illness, depression being one of my big ones
my parents always say that it's treatable, that it can be cured that it's just going to go away one day
hell no it wont
it doesnt ever "lift" ,as the psychiatrists always say, or get easier
sure some days can be a bit better than others, but it's always there making everything lifeless, boring, empty and dead
i understand what yr goin thru bud. hugs