I hate life and always have

20
Black
Female

I have a very deep depression that I've been fighting since I was 5 years old. It started out as being molested and from there things only got worse. I grew up very poor in a large family and my dad bailed out around that time. I developed ocd, depression and AvPD all by the age of 8. I was lonely throughout school and never made any friends.I still have no friends. My mom died when I was 17 and soon after I moved out of my own because my family didn't wanna take care of me anymore. I signed up for college hoping to get out of my circle of poverty. But in doing this I ended up with massive amounts of debt halfway through my program. I realize now that I need to reevaluate my life. I'm pregnant with a son from my current relationship. I'm at the point where I want to leave my current relationship but I know that I can't afford to. My boyfriend lied to me for the first year of our relationship and I later came to find out that he was a heavy drug addict. I'm at a crossroads. I don't see any silver lining and I'm tired of being broke and lonely. I want so bad to be done with life nut I'm hanging in there and being strong for my son who will be born in February. I will never give up on him.

Dear amaui:

If the father of your child doesn't get off drugs, heavy drugs, I hope you find a way to live separately from him. I lived for a few years with a heavy drug user (and part time dealer) and it almost killed me: I was up many nights when he ran around in a drug stupor, making a lot of noise. After one of those nights I had a car accident (not paying attention) and was almost killed.

Don't give up. Do the best you can, for you and for your child.

atina

Hello,

I am so sorry to hear about this. A hard drug addict who is not attempting to quit is the worst news possible. This is an addict in recovery speaking, by the way – you can't "fix" a person like this if they don't want to be fixed. If your partner WANTS to quit drugs and asks for help, be there. If he doesn't, leave – for your sake, and for your child's.

Big hugs. I really wish I could help.