Tired of it all

I'm tired. I'm so tired. School started and everything just went downhill. My auditory sensitivity got 5x worse, my anxiety is always at the edge of my thoughts, and now I'm becoming more depressed (than normal). I can't stand the cycle of school. I can't stand the stress. I can't stand the anxiety. I can't stand the noise. I'm just so tired. I feel like I'm losing myself day by day. Sometimes I feel like a child - completely out of it. Sometimes I need to touch everything in the room, pacing back and forth, and other times I can't stand anything touching me. I can't follow auditory instructions for the life of me. I'm doing horribly concerning doing my homework. There's so much. I can't deal with it. I'm losing myself and I'm so, so scared.

I detested school. It was an awful experience for me. I don't have DID, but my mental differences set an impossible barrier between me and friendship. I'd drag myself out of bed dead tired, get dressed, and sit in the dark, staring at the clock until it was time to head out the door. The whole day was beyond boring, doing nothing but tedious work if I could bring myself up to it, otherwise nothing at all. Especially in high school, I feel like I wasted so much of my life away, because I didn't have a choice.

The fact that the basic privilege of a social life, and simply being mentally normal like 95% of society was taken away all because my brain developed in an atypical way, left this several-year long $#%^ stain on my memories. But even if the majority of people don't have the same problems, and aren't overwhelmed with life to your degree, the small portion is still millions. You aren't alone. Stick to those who care, the sympathetic are the people who matter. Forget the superficial.

Take pride in refusing to give up.

School was a terrible experience for me and it seemed to go on forever. Primary school was torture. High school was better but still not exactly great. University was great though. It does get better, I promise. It's not just a cliche slogan.

Are you receiving any help with your depression/anxiety?