why the f*ck wont i just die already...

jeez, i'm sory u r having such a hard time.....there has got to be a better solution to your suffering.....i really hope u don't do it,ur just depressed, a totally treatable condition.....please at least talk to someone.....even just a friend...wud hate to see such a waste of life.....i'm sure u have people who love u.....it wud destroy them...it's not just u, but all those u affect that will feel the result of such a wastefull thing to do.....well, i care, so y not at least try to get some help? it can only help.....all i can say.....hope u make the right choice n stick around. wud be a damn shame. 'core

beatachica,

I hear how you hurt.
I know what depression is, I have it.

Your cries to end your life, and then threaten that you have not crossed a line so noone better not call for help, is something that in my humble opinion is confusing to me. If you are just venting say so hun. That is fine, vent all you want , it helps I promise it really does help.

We hear your unhappiness, If you are being treated for depression maybe you are having a major episode and need extra care.

I just want you to be safe. Who would take care of your bunny?

peace,
red

beatachica,

You are a good person. Do you go around hurting people for no reason. You are not some monster that eats kids for breakfast.

There for even if you dont feel like it, You are good, you are worthy. If you are venting fine, let us know that it is just venting, instead of a cry to stop you from killing yourself.

I am all for writing stuff out and getting off your shoulders. Go for it. But I want you to understand, you are not bad. You may get tired. I have been there, I did not want to live, I could not imagine another day on this planet. But I made a phone call to help me because the kicker, fighter in me was not even going to let me take my own self down.

I see that in you. You are a fighter, even in the middle of depression, you are fighting for your life.

I have been to psych hospitals, the only thing that sucks is you cant go outside when want and you are with other people and you need to learn to interact with them.

But when you get out, just going outside is a freedom that you wont forget.

If you dont want to go back to the hospital, then you need to start helping yourself hun. I know life is scary and other people can be scary and you dont know who to trust or not.

But it all lies within you. You are a strong person. You can do this and make it.

red

I'd suggest to get some rest tonight, tomorrow it will be a better day.

By the way, I'd like to save you. But since I am not even in the same country as you are to save you, it complicates things, we'll have to rely on somebody else.

Can you ask for some help from a relative? Perhaps go visit a relative?

I think the best is for you to save yourself. Just in time though, first we need to work on all these ideas you have. They are not good.

Have some rest tonight, OK? Go get some sleep please.

hey there, as always, your posts catch mt attention right off.....have u considered u may be in a bi po type mood swing? i notice ur often either one xtreme or the other.....most of the feelings you put out there mirror my own and often.i'm either too happy or too depressed, no middle ground.....i bet if you walk away from this paper for school for an hour, have a couple brews, and a hot bath, u may come back with a more relaxed focused perspective.....i hope. like i say to some....if i could take your pain away, and put it on me instead, i would without a second thought. besides, who else wud i have to haunt the forums with in the wee hours??personally i find u to be amazingly introspective,and quite interesting as well.....i wish u wud stop being so hard on yourself,and questioning your right to a happy existence......i'm just one of many here who care what happens to you, and don't want to see anything bad happen.....the world would be awfully empty without you in it.......i am sending u positive vibes and good karma right now u r a very cool person, stop selling yourself shy.be well, be safe,pet the bunny 4 me.......take care...'core

applause for having the insight to know when the danger signs r coming.....it takes real guts to call crisis lines......(my local ones have me on speed dial lol) damn, .....for once am at a loss for words.....however bad things seem, i see you still have the strength to reach out when things r this bad.....am not much of a cryer, but u have me goin here.........it literally hurts me to know another is suffering to that point....if there is ever anything i can do, or say, or anything please, let me know.n u call those suic. crisis lines all damn night if u have to.....please stay safe ok?crap, i can't see the scren thru these damn tears.......if u feel unsafe, i will stay here with u all night if need be......'core

well, i'm def. glad to hear you have arrived to another day in one piece.and also that you had no major bad events today....i was worried last night. the ex thing sucks i know.....i imagine bothering you is a rather twisted way of realizing what an incredible idiot he must be to have managed to lose such a beautiful,smart,caring, and all around nice person ....(that's you ) i truly hope things get better for you every day....oh, i thought i had my psych. 101 down, but you really outgunned me with kay's post.....impressive. maybe if u have the time or feel like it.....sometime maybe u might read some of my rantings and help me out with a few opinions and thoughts. (only if u r really bored.....i know you have alot on your plate) i have total faith in your accuracy. well, take care, and be safe.......'core

betachica wrote:its just tiring, fighting suicidal thoughts
it takes a lot of energy

Extremely tiring. Ends up being counter-productive almost. Fighting the ideas instead of trying to fix the situation you are in ends up making you feel worse. At least thats how it goes with me. The alternatives aren't much better though...so I guess thats always the best option.

Kind of have to take it hour by hour, day by day, week by week (or longer) until things start to get better. In my experience, trying to find things to keep you busy are good for taking my mind off these thoughts. Such as reading, doing some sort of work (I like to work with my plants), school work, social activities I suppose. This stuff is hard when really depressed but forcing yourself to do the occasional task helps somewhat.

i just want to return the favor of your no #######4 straight on advise which i admire greatly. i'm going to tell you xactly what i said to another member here i cosider a real friend, and hold in high reguard.i know you suffer alot, and have your good and bad days.....but your constant mention of suic. thoughts is making me more worried every day. i consider u to be a real friend, not just someone in cyberspace. i have come to know and respect you greatly.you are actually the person i look up to the most because of who you are.this means whether or not you r aware of it, or even know.....i get attatched to my friends.i don't just say things to u to be clever, or write mindless "support replies". i'm gonna lay this on you just in the same manner you have layed it on us...(me)...u r a worthy and good person, i truly care about you,(and not in some wierd "stalker" way either) i ######6 care, i cry when i read posts like this one.and if you ######6 kill yourself, i swear to god, u go, i go. do u hear that clearly?i will go to the ends of the earth to help u any way i can( check your PM's) but i will not stand by and let you waste your life.and i have the balls to do it without hesitation...i have a 12 guage in the garage with two bri slugs in it that would go thru an engine block.if i even THINK for a minute you have given up, then why the ###$ should i bother either.you guys r all i have....u r my family.so whether this pisses you off or not when it comes to losing someone so important to me i take it personally.....very much so.ur not just some member, u r my sister,my critic,my blood.so i will leave u some more info in a PM....and if u feel like leaving us, there is NOTHING i will not do to stop you,help you,support you,and keep you alive.so if you decide not to reach out if things get that bad, and just go,u can be sure as hell i will be going with you.what was that u said to me about knowing your actions hurt others, and doing them anyway?well, i'm taking that good advice.....and you should too, u will never see me speak to u in this manner again, but u pretty muchjust punched me in the face, and i am hurt. so last time beata,you go, i go...understood? please check your PM's for a few things i want to just put out there for you ok? i don't "claim" to care, i do. peter

i am in no way limiting your expression and venting that helps you, i just wanted u to know, there will be no time when things collapse....cuz i wont let it happen. u won't be alone, u can write about it all u want....just don't DO IT see where im coming from? saying and expressing freely is a must, it is necesary to getting it out of you....so dont think im saying dont limit your expression, just keep alive so u can continue to do so.....ok? keep writing, xpressing all your thoughts, felings, i just want u to have an absolute foolproof helping hand if things really do hit the fan.....that's what i'm saying.i can handle all the suic. talk in the world if it helps you, that whati want....i'm not being noble, i,m being a friend.i care, and want u to know i am here if u need that call, or chat, or whatever......so my orig. statement stands. just stay alive so u CAN post freely .....that is my message to u. be safe, and try to understand the concept that ur not a #######5 person, i know it, and am here. but will not allow u to actually act on those thoughts, just keep em thoughts and posts, not actions ok? take care, be safe, and i hope u get what i mean.....u totally misunderstood my reply, maybe i worded it poorly i dunno. but this is what i mean. ok? take care, 'core