Do I have depression?

I wish I knew what was going on with me. Whenever I feel down about something at the moment it’s not just temporary, it seems to drag on and last for the whole day or longer. However, then I get over it and feel fine again. It’s not like it drags on for months or anything though. Still, I don’t get why I feel like this. This morning, for instance, mum had a go at me, which is nothing unusual. Still, whenever she does something like that I always feel really down about it for ages. When I feel fine it’s not like I’m manic or anything, I just feel how I normally do when I’m not really down. I know it's normal to feel sad about things sometimes, I just don't think it's normal to feel down about things as often as I do, or for it to drag on for a few days at a time. The longest it has ever lasted has been a week, and I don't think that is healthy. Whenever I'm feeling down it usually manifests itself in the form of anger or annoyance. This is problematic as I then go off at someone in my family, who then has a huge go at me, consequently making me feel even more down.

Also, whenever I am down about one thing it all just seems to compound itself – ie. I become really negative and everything sucks etc. Like now I feel down about the way mum treated me, plus the fact that I don’t understand any of my research subject at all, and also the fact that a former love interest who rejected me suddenly contacted me this morning.

Initially I felt happy that he messaged me, but now all I can think is why didn’t he keep in contact with me initially and will he ever bother to send a response back to my reply. Usually I wouldn’t feel so bad or negative about it, I’d just go ‘he’s rude’ and leave it at that. Now it’s just dragging on and I can’t figure out why.

Also, increasingly often I’m having days where I just want to be left alone; I don’t want to associate with anyone etc. That makes it pretty hard when I have to go to uni and am therefore forced to hang out with my friends and put on a happy face/attitude. It’s not only just my friends, it’s also strangers – like two people just came into what was the previously empty computer lab and I felt really annoyed and frustrated, like ‘get lost and leave me alone’ when I know they have just as much right to be here as I do. However, my emotions are strangely contradictory when I'm feeling like this. For example, today I had to hang out with one of my friends, and then when we went to get lunch she ran into her best friend who she hadn't seen in ages. She said to me 'I think I am going to have lunch with her, so I'll see you later'. Instead of that being the respite I wanted (seeing as I just wanted to be left alone) I felt really rejected and barely spoke to her when I saw her later. However, usually if that happened to me I wouldn't care, I'd just go and find some of my other friends or have lunch by myself and not worry about it. It's wierd - how come I was so desperate to be left alone, but then got all annoyed and upset when she did leave me alone?

I used to be really concerned about the fact that I didn't have that many friends, and that I am losing touch with my school friends. Right now (even when I don't feel down) I really couldn't care less. I care about the friends that I have, and value the fact that they are my friends. However, don't care that I hardly have any friends, and I don't make an effort to see the ones I do have outside of uni (or wherever I know them from). Quite often it's an effort to even see my boyfriend - like I just feel like I want to go home and sit in my room and listen to music, instead of being social and hanging out with people.

When I am feeling down it’s also making it next to impossible to concentrate on uni work, because whenever I sit down on my own I just want to put my head down and close my eyes. I’m tired; I’m really tired of everything. I’m tired of feeling like this and I’m tired of not knowing why.

I don't want to go to a doctor unless I really have to because I don't want him/her to think I'm just freaking out about nothing.

heartstringz,

Welcome to our forums. I just wanted to touch base and say that when I was about 13 I started to feel the way you do. I wanted seclusion no family no friends just to be left alone...I wanted to sleep all day. I was depressed and I did need help. Now I am not a doctor or therapist in any way but some of the things you are describing are similar to what i went through. I was upset and angry at things that I didn't even know why i was angry at...and then one day it all compiled and I lost it. (Mental Hospital) and started to recieve therapy. I did find it helpful to talk to someone. My suggestion to you is if you are not feeling right I think that seeing a doctor is worth it...you are worth it. Your feelings are valid and even if you think you are just freaking out it's still worth it to make sure. Your health mental or physical is the most Important thing around, take care of it. Good luck and come back and chat with us if you need it.