i want everyone to stay depressed and cry

i went to my school from where i passed out more than a decade ago. and meeting with a few old professors i realized they were happier than me. i wanted to sit with them and whine about the problems in life. that's all i want to do. cry cry cry...i seem unable to want to be happy.

even when i spoke with a friend last night, i ended up ranting. i feel like fungus has grown over my brain n its like i dont want anyone to be happy.

I think that you are very unhappy, and you're trying to bring others down with you so you have someone on your level. I know the feeling of not wanting to be happy. It feels like you're not supposed to be happy. Myself, I often feel like I don't even deserve to be happy. But you have to know that you do deserve to be happy, you should be happy, and once you are happy you'll be happy you're happy.

All emotions are beautiful, happiness, and sadness included. Like Gotye says, "You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness". But you have to explore everything. There are so many more great emotions you can feel.

I've always had the thought that you get back what you put out there. So if you don't want other people to be happy, then you're not going to be happy yourself. You need to start wanting them to be happy, being happy for them that they're happy. I think this could be the first step in actually being happy yourself. As hard as it is to even want to be happy, you need to try and head to that direction.

I feel unworthy of being happy. i am ashamed. just angry. maybe i dont want to own up to my mistakes.

Hello,

I feel unworthy of being happy. i am ashamed.

Is there a particular reason why you feel this, or is this just depression lying through its teeth like it does so often? I get those thoughts when I am depressed and it's very hard to remember that they're not actually my thoughts but the lies of depression. I've lived with depression for 12 years and this still happens to me.

The reason is i am ashamed of some of the things that i have done. the nervous breakdown, the mad behavior. i could've been beaten up by people or been jailed. the shame doens't go. the anger towards my caretaker doesnt go.

i just want to die or maybe go back in time. very ashamed of some of the things that i have done.