I don't even know

I've been feeling really depressed and anxious for more than a month. It's really paralyzing me and making everything worse. There's so much $#%^ going on in life that makes everything so crap, the worse thing is feeling so damn lonely. I went to a psychiatrist and told him about my story he gave me some pills and right now I'm just waiting for therapies to go along with the meds. I feel I don't know what I want anymore besides feeling right , there's so much stuff I loved to do in my free time but it doesn't get to me anymore. I've been forgetting stuff, even before the pills ,I've always felt like I'm kinda dumb that I don't notice things that are obvious, can't concentrate most of the time or find enough interest in stuff at all , don't know how to talk or rarely have stuff to talk about. In my house everyday its the same , a huge crappy routine that's been going on for years, I just live with my father and we rarely have conversations which to tell you the truth makes everything just harder and makes me feel lonelier, and it's just hindering my ability to talk. My only way out were my friends which most are just not anywhere near anymore or working and also I can't seem to get a job. It's like I did something hella bad in another life and I'm paying for it right here right now very badly, I see these things in me ... I want to feel emotions besides sadness, I want to be excited about things, do small talk, whatever talk, notice things, be productive, be interesting,I want each day to feel different and have something new to talk about each day without forgetting, is it just me ? is there something wrong with me?!! I think the only way out is leaving this place which will make my loneliness even worse . I'm considering joining the AIR FORCE but im confused one day I want it really bad and another day I don't want to do it. This life just feels like a waste of time and me a waste of space. I really don't want to die or anything I just want to be better and feel normal but depression has taken hold of me and this house and it has been the same for a lot of time....but right now is the worse it has felt.