Being alone doesn't help anymore

Since I was younger(like 15 I'm 23 now) I've always been able to just be by myself when I was depressed and at least then I felt somewhat secure or rather I could cope better and try to get over it. Now it doesn't work anymore, I don't know how to explain what I mean but being alone always let me deal with my problems and now I feel like I'm still being exposed or judged even when there's no one there. I keep having thoughts of hurting myself and suicide(I'm too much of a sissy to go through with it). My family doesn't help, they always somehow spin it to make me feel like it's my fault and I've never had a friend that actually gave a crap about me like that, hell the one time I tried to confide in someone she basically brushed me off. Everyone wants to dump their baggage on me but tell me to go screw myself when I have issues. Everyone wants to take advantage of me but I'm such an asshole for asking something of them.For some reason it's totally fine for others to treat me like crap but I'm being a dick for showing any anger. It's like I owe everybody something and I don't deserve any help. It's getting worse too, the depression I get comes a lot more easily and for little things now and everything comes crashing down. I'll go from incredibly angry like I want to break things to so sad I want to kill myself. And now the one thing that helped me is now making it worse. I don't know what to do it's driving me nuts, right now it won't go away. It keeps coming back.

jguenther31 wrote:I keep having thoughts of hurting myself and suicide(I'm too much of a sissy to go through with it).

Actually you are a very strong person for resisting those thoughts, and I applaud you. No sarcasm and no joke. Serious as I can be.

jguenther31 wrote:My family doesn't help, they always somehow spin it to make me feel like it's my fault and I've never had a friend that actually gave a crap about me like that, hell the one time I tried to confide in someone she basically brushed me off. Everyone wants to dump their baggage on me but tell me to go screw myself when I have issues.

Change your friends. Really. Look at this paragraph. Do they sound like nice people? Why would you want to associate with people who aren't nice to you?

jguenther31 wrote:And now the one thing that helped me is now making it worse. I don't know what to do it's driving me nuts, right now it won't go away. It keeps coming back.

Isolating ourselves is a natural part of depression, sadly. I did the same thing. It also doesn't help at all. Humans are built to be social, at least a very large majority of us.

Please seek professional help. I have no clue how this works in your country. I'd have to go to a GP and ask for a referral to a psychiatrist or therapist.

Big hugs. Stay strong and get help -- there's nothing shameful about it.