another option to get out of depression

I think my depression is getting worse and worse. I have noticed the changes in sleep, energy level and memory.
1.I think my sleep no longer fulfills me. I sleep not too much or not too little but still tired all the time. I have difficulty getting out of bed everyday.
2.Energy level: gosh I feel tired all the time. I feel like having something put down on me and I can't move. I am like an empty battery.
3. Memory: My memory problem is getting worse and worse. Now it takes time for me to remember where I put things down just a couple minutes ago. Then I feel angry for not remembering and then memory get worse and worse.
All of this is due to depression. Depression is such a bitch. Why the ###$ on Earth do we have this illness? I also have thoughts about suicide to end all things.
Now the cause of my depression is child abuse. I got abused from a young age by my mother and relatives. No one supports me in the ######6 stupid house I live in. I have controlled myself a lot of time not to burn that house down to dust.
I keep thinking about this for a long time now. I need to get out of this house. I've been weighing pros and cons of getting married because I can't move in to anyone's house. I think I will be married to my guy friend to get out of this house and be happy because life is too short anyway and I have suffered enough. I think that if I continue to live in this house for another 5 years I will turn completely insane. I always have trouble with relationship because I hate being touched and I have trust issue. Now I think I need to get over it and get married to him because I have no other choice. We've been good friends for years now. We don't date yet due to my problems but I know his entire family well. He got such a nice family. I think I make the right choice this time and choose a good family for me. I will abandon the family I was born into because it's such a shithole. I don't need a bad family. They can ###$ themselves to death I don't care about them anymore.

Oh dear, you sound SO much like me, everything including abuse and having to move out but not being able to afford it. All my hugs are belong to you.

I have managed. Medication put me back into stable moods, then I found a better job that paid enough and I moved out once trial period was over. My mother said "you've been waiting to move out ASAP and that's why you took that job!!!" Um, yes mom, that's exactly it.

I was on meds for two years and slowly weaned myself off them under my doctor's supervision and it went well but I could tell there was stuff inside me that needed to go out. And I went to therapy for two years and it helped GREATLY.

There is abuse related stuff I repressed for decades, now coming up to the surface that I don't really know how to deal with. I don't feel ready but I don't think I will ever feel ready. But I am safe. The person who did it has been dead for a while. I don't live in the same country I did then. There are no triggers really other than the fact my memory decided it was time. I will be seeing my therapist on Monday and we'll decide what to do with this.

Big hugs. I would definitely suggest you try medication as it will fix the three first problems once you've found the right ones. (If you are on meds now and you still have those problems the meds are not right.) It will however not fix your child abuse problem and living in the house with your family. But it will make it easier for you to find a way to deal with it.

Lots of safe hugs again, if wanted. If not, it's OK. Just as long as you know I wish you all the best.