Anhedonia

Hello,

Ever since I was treated with antipsychotics and benzodiazepines I suffer from extreme anhedonia and depression. I still use a tiny dose of antipsychotics (half of the minimum dose) and can't get off.

I am not capable of feeling love or joy or pleasure or connection. I feel extreme guilt about the way I have led my life, feel defeated and feel this is somehow a "punishment" or a direct result of my bad life choices. I used to believe love makes you go to heaven, so lacking love feels, besides very empty, also frightening to me. I interpret it as "I have lost Gods love and will go to hell".

I don't use antidepressants at the moment, because I am scared they will make me feel even more empty inside and if they work, it's not "me feeling love", it's just some chemical reaction.

Are there any people with strong anhedonia? Did anything help?

My anhedonia has been running strong for over 3 yrs, I'm yet to settle on a reliable antidote.

Sometimes you just have to try different meds until you find something that works best for you.

A period of depersonalization with chronic pain before and after cause my current state of anhedonia and welschmertz. I don't enjoy food, sex, or anything other than intellectual conversations and blowjobs with minimal satisfaction gained from gummy worms, and one video game. So in this sense, I'd say it's an odd sort of situation to be in that I too, have found no remedy for. I mostly derive my sense of happiness from individual moments of appreciation of beauty, as well as helping others and seeing them enjoy things. That makes it tolerable. Hope this helps

I have anhedonia for almost 20 years. It gets worse when you get older.