I Want To Be Myself Again

Ever since January last year, I've been feeling stressed, depressed, angry, and not myself. I've slowly slipped away from my biggest passion which is music. My family would always tease me about being a musician and for my passion. They didn't know that it hurt as bad as it did. It still does. They would always tease me for being the different one. The old soul. The modern day hippie. The girl who doesn't really like modern music. Whose musical heroes are 30-60 years older than herself. The girl who would pour her heart and soul into every note of every performance. Now that girl is hidden under the surface of pain and anger and I can't get it out. I want to be able to enjoy my music again. I want to feel the bliss I did when I picked up a guitar again. But when I look in the mirror, I see a girl who is stressed, exhausted, and angry. A girl who works at a job that she absolutely despises. A stranger who I want to shatter the reflection of. A girl who feels like a stranger to herself. I just want to be me again. Is that too much to ask?

Hello,

a big hug first.

I am very sorry to hear about your family teasing you like that. You should be free to be and do whatever you feel like without being laughed at. For me, what came with age was indifference to others' opinions. Ultimately it doesn't matter what people think about me and things I do.

You mention January last year. Did something in particular happen then? A trigger you could point at? Or is it just this period in time?

My parents and I were fighting more, I quit a rock group I was in because they refused to put effort into it, I started getting stressed at school, I worked (and still work) at a job that I hate.