How to help my boyfriend? ED and depression? TMI

My boyfriend seems to have fallen into a cycle. He has moderate depression that has caused sexual issues (loss of sex drive and erectile dysfunction). Most of the time he had trouble getting an erection but after some stimulation he would. A couple glasses of red wine seemed to help him too.
The past month or so, it's taken a nose dive (however he says his depression itself has not gotten worse).
He can't get an erection anymore on his own and if he does, it's not a full erection and goes soft quickly.
We decided to try using an otc herbal supplement that helped with blood flow and drive, and it worked very well the first few times. He got a normal erection and kept it.

The past couple of times however, nothing is working. I can stimulate him with my hand and there is either not much of a response or again, he gets like a somewhat soft erection that is lost within two minutes of sex. He has literally been going soft inside me within two minutes of sex. He says he wants to have sex but he just can't keep an erection.
Here's the interesting part: he gets a totally normal and hard erection and stays hard during blow jobs.
He doesn't even need to take the otc pills for them.
We've talked about all the possible issues and he swears up and down that it's not me, he thinks I'm very sexy and that he wouldn't be with me if he didn't think that. He also says it's not that I'm loose down there or anything (I'm definitely not, actually have a smaller than normal vagina). He said he loves our sex and that it's really good and passionate. He's apologized and said he feels so bad for making me feel unattractive.

He admitted to me last night that on our date nights, he worries the whole day about that when we try to have sex, he'll go soft and it'll upset me and he'll feel like a loser.
He says that he's so embarrassed that I have to try a lot to get him hard and then it doesn't usually work.
I feel like he's gotten himself into a vicious cycle. He worries and stresses the whole day about it and then I feel like all the stress is affecting his erections so then he's more embarrassed that it happened again and more worried so then the next time it's the same thing all over again. How do we get him out of this cycle?
He says I've been very supportive and I've reassured him that I won't leave or cheat due to this.
However, usually the day after he has the issue, he's usually in a fairly bad mood which makes things tense and it's affecting our relationship. I've offered to only give him blow jobs from now on but he says that's not fair to me.

I should add that he isn't masturbating/watching porn.

Any suggestions, advice or opinions?

Perhaps a medication change would help. This could be a symptom of depression but it's also a side effect of some antidepressants.

You don't need to answer this but just going to ask and suggest here

Is he on any medications?

Winteriscoming wrote:This could be a symptom of depression but it's also a side effect of some antidepressants.

As Winter said, this is a side effect of some antidepressants and other medication. I've found that mixing alcohol with these also makes it worse. I have no problems getting it up but reaching orgasm can take ages sometimes especially after alcohol.
Have you tried sex toys? you could both benefit from vibrators or experimenting with different things.
Also, i don't know your current situation but maybe more foreplay to get in the mood.
I also think building his confidence here would be good as i seems like he gets very anxious. So just do what works and try experimenting, different positions, maybe he has a fetish, certain clothes may help.

Hope something that I've said helps.
Happy new year and i hope things improve for you both.