Think I need help.. any help greatly appreciated

Hi everyone,

I'm an 18 year old male at my first year in uni. I have been feeling miserable since my last year of school (I'd say since around Feb/March). To put a long story short, I hate myself and every day is becoming a struggle for me.
I hate the fact that I've failed over and over again in every aspect of life regardless of how much effort and time I put into something.
I feel like there is nothing to look forward to in the future, I have absolutely no drive to study or do anything productive all day.
I go to bed at roughly 5am and sleep for 10-12 hours and even after that, I feel lethargic all the time.
I thought uni would open me up to new experiences and I have tried to make friends in several ways but to no avail. I have no close friends or family that I can talk to (they just bring up religion and my 'lack of faith in God'...).
I've obviously never had a girlfriend or done anything with a girl. Heck, I've never even had a female friend in general. I despise myself physically (not out of shape or anything, just a hideous freak).
I feel so alone and isolated and like such a complete loser that I just want to drop out out of uni, but then what would I be doing with my life... I fail to see any kind of silver lining for myself.
Some of my flatmates at uni are the few people I can get along with but even then, I find myself losing my temper with them over trivial things. It's not uncommon for me to cry for an hour or two before going to bed.
There is one sport that I was extremely passionate about and would practice weekly, either alone or with others - it would never fail to alleviate my mental state. Now when I force myself to play, I don't feel anything. Just tired, because I hardly have enough energy in the first place.

I am scared of getting counselling or seeing a doctor because they may think my 'problems' are pathetic and trivial and might just tell me to man up or whatever... Sometimes I think the same and hate myself even more for it.

Someone please tell me what I should do or who I should talk to. I am so sick of life, many times I think I am just not cut out for it.

Thanks if you take the time to read my rambling.

Hi there, BonusPointsIfICare. thank you for sharing your experience with us! I hope we are able to provide some support to help you get through this.

BonusPointsIfICare wrote:I go to bed at roughly 5am and sleep for 10-12 hours and even after that, I feel lethargic all the time.

First of all, I can relate to this. I sleep at around 5-10am most days, can get a generous # of hours, but will still feel drowsy and in general fatigued throughout the day. have you tried to change this sleeping pattern? I know it's difficult, but even if you're sleeping one hour earlier than usual, it's progress. and we LOVE progress.

BonusPointsIfICare wrote:I thought uni would open me up to new experiences and I have tried to make friends in several ways but to no avail. I have no close friends or family that I can talk to

Why did you fail to make friends? is it related to socialising and communication? perhaps you could change that routine and find new ways to engage with other people. as for having nobody to talk to; you have us. we're all over the world and have different experiences, but it's a starting point, plus we have tend to have better understanding than most people.

BonusPointsIfICare wrote:I've obviously never had a girlfriend or done anything with a girl. Heck, I've never even had a female friend in general.

Again, you have to find a way to build relationships with people, we can try to help you with that.

BonusPointsIfICare wrote:I just want to drop out out of uni, but then what would I be doing with my life... I fail to see any kind of silver lining for myself.

Why do you want to drop out? maybe we can find some answers from this alone. that'll definitely help us correlate, opening opportunities for better understanding than we may already have.

BonusPointsIfICare wrote:Some of my flatmates at uni are the few people I can get along with but even then, I find myself losing my temper with them over trivial things.

Do you have any specific triggers? or does the temper come from nowhere? please specify examples of these "trivial" things; again, for better understanding.

BonusPointsIfICare wrote:There is one sport that I was extremely passionate about and would practice weekly, either alone or with others - it would never fail to alleviate my mental state. Now when I force myself to play, I don't feel anything. Just tired, because I hardly have enough energy in the first place.

Loss of interest, perhaps? very common with depression and depressive disorders.

BonusPointsIfICare wrote:I am scared of getting counselling or seeing a doctor because they may think my 'problems' are pathetic and trivial and might just tell me to man up or whatever... Sometimes I think the same and hate myself even more for it.

No doctor or professional can tell you that your problems are inadequate. if you request support, they must give you that in any shape or form they possibly can. a doctor will not deny you your rights to have psychological treatment/counselling, there's nothing to be afraid of at all.

Please give us all the information you can/are willing to provide and we will do our very best to help you through this, always remember that there's no room for judgement and that we will try to understand your feelings and what may be causing them, etc.