Is depression just inability to hack life?

Well, a lot of the hurt has come from my taking things the wrong way due to my depression and low self esteem. My husband is not the type to see a counselor. I have talked some about this on forums, and I am seeing a counselor again, so that does help.

My husband has never experienced depression, nor has anyone in his family, so he had a hard time understanding that it was something I couldn't just "snap out of". I think he does realize that now. He does not blame me for it, but I sure do blame myself!

Why do you blame yourself? If it's for not being able to make him understand, you're being unfair to yourself. Just read the threads here (I'm sure you have…). Depression is difficult to understand even for those who have it! Why would you expect someone else to understand it easily? "Not understanding my friend/child/spouses depression" is such a common it's almost a cliche. You are not to blame.

I meant that I have always blamed myself for being depressed. I cause so much of my depression with my negative thinking.

But blame is such an awful word. It's a dead-end. Instead of blaming yourself, why not look at it (your negative thinking) as something you need to improve, not blame yourself for? Having a tendency to think negatively something that can be improved. I had a roommate years ago who was always talking about positive and negative energy. After a while, I started to see what she was talking about, and I was able to appropriate that into my own way of thinking. I looked at the negativity I was emitting as a tangible thing, like an aura I was throwing around. I didn't want it getting all over my friends, my cats, my apartment. Negativity begets negativity. So whenever I found myself thinking about something negatively, I would just stop thinking about it and try to concentrate on something else. I looked at it as a fire I had to put out.
At least that's what helped me a little. Do you speak to your counselor about your negative thinking? If not, you should. Devote a whole session to it.

Well, I never looked at my negativity as something I was throwing around, but that's true. It is not something I want to be doing, especially to my family.

Yes. I am working on it in counseling, but it is a hard thing to work on when one is depressed.

arabianhorselover wrote:Well, I never looked at my negativity as something I was throwing around, but that's true. It is not something I want to be doing, especially to my family.

Yes. I am working on it in counseling, but it is a hard thing to work on when one is depressed.

Counseling can be a great tool in treating depression, so take advantage of it. You need to talk to someone who understands depression.

arabianhorselover wrote:I meant that I have always blamed myself for being depressed. I cause so much of my depression with my negative thinking.

I do this too. Have you considered cbt with your counselor? My therapist and I have been working together to work on my negative thinking. I find self blame just sends one into a downward cycle. I often feel very sad at how I impact others because of my problems. I self isolate a lot now as a result.

Counseling and therapy with someone who understands is vital. My SO doesn't ever get depressed either and I know and have known people who don't understand this. They think suicidal ideation is done only for attention and don't understand it is an illness or a chronic disease and we struggle every day or even every hour. I try very hard to keep a smile for others around me but sometimes I just get weighed down and I falter. Therapy is a lifeline.

I know it's tough having a hubby who doesn't really understand. I know how it feels to feel misunderstood or invalidated. You aren't alone.

Well, I'm actually so thankful that my husband has never been depressed, and can't really understand since I would hate for him to go through it. Also, if we were both dealing with depression it would be a really bad situation.