Is depression just inability to hack life?

No, I don't believe it is, but sometimes it feels that way.

I've lived with a nearly constant low level depression since my teens, but when it flares up, it's always in response to something bad happening in my life. Or the culmination of a lot of little problems or petty annoyances that grouped together, form one big problem.

This makes me question the validity of depression. I mean, a lot of people have problems. Some have more than me. And it's a fact that life will regularly throw roadblocks and obstacles in your path. Other people just remove those roadblocks, or navigate around them. I can sometimes do that too, but when they get to be too frequent, I am more liable to just give up and be miserable about it. This bothers me.

They say depression is largely due to chemical imbalances in the brain. Fine. Then why don't my major depressive episodes just happen? Why are they always a result of a sudden problem, incident or trigger? It makes me feel like a weak person. Someone who would rather crumple into a heap of despair than take action.

Don't get me wrong: this is not a 'depression isn't real' post. But why can't I just pick myself up and move on when something bad happens? Everybody else seems to be able to do this. I just sit there and whine about it. This does very little for my sense of self-worth.

I get to feeling ashamed of my depression because it seems to me a passive, defeatist reaction to life's little turds, rather than a proactive one.

So is depression just an inability to deal with life's curveballs?

Is clinical depression real and biologically-based? Look at brain scans and see the science.

http://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedu ... g-20007400
http://www.webmd.com/depression/ss/slid ... n-overview
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ho ... depression

I wasn't disputing that. I was referring to the things that trigger depression, and wondering how others felt about there own triggers, and how they deal with it.

Marcus555 wrote:This makes me question the validity of depression.

Badly worded. What I meant was questioning my own depressive episodes, and the reasons they occur, in an attempt to better understand the things that trigger me.

I totally understand how you feel. I have also suffered from depression since I was a teen. Now I am about to turn 55. I have always felt that I should be able to handle things differently. I have always kicked myself for being such an ungrateful complainer. I never wanted to be the kind of person who complained about my troubles all the time. I always admire people who go through so many adversities in their lives and keep a positive attitude and don't complain. I just can't seem to do that. What someone else sees as a little thing is a big problem to me.

So you are not alone!

Good to know. Thanks for responding.

Do you also find that it works the other way? For example; if you are having a bad day and suddenly something positive happens, or a problem that was depressing you is suddenly solved, and suddenly your mood lifts? This makes me feel that my depression is more of a weakness, an inability to roll with the punches. I know that's not the case, but it makes me feel like a weak whiner when it seems my mood is subject to outside influences.

Marcus555 wrote:Good to know. Thanks for responding.

Do you also find that it works the other way? For example; if you are having a bad day and suddenly something positive happens, or a problem that was depressing you is suddenly solved, and suddenly your mood lifts? This makes me feel that my depression is more of a weakness, an inability to roll with the punches. I know that's not the case, but it makes me feel like a weak whiner when it seems my mood is subject to outside influences.

Yes. I do find that, and I think it's a normal response to something positive.

I'm with you in that I often beat myself up internally for not being able to handle things that life and people in my life have thrown at me. While I agree with the science behind brain chemistry, I also think that different types of people are also effected by difference circumstances differently than other types of people.

I would not say it's an inability to hack life or a weakness. It is an illness. I do find that a problem I'm dealing with - once it's resolved or I have a plan on how to resolve or deal with whatever the issue is, that my mood does lift or go up. Depending on what the issue is (if it's something that has been ongoing for a long time, I feel a sense of relief followed by elation).

I try not to complain about what life has dealt with. If anything I gripe internally at myself a lot for not being able to just roll with things the way "normal" people might. I try to see the positive side of whatever life deals me, (ie. bad experiences I try to learn from them for my own and others' sakes), but there are times where you are dealt blow after blow after blow after blow, on top of stuff you are already dealing with and I just feel like I'm screwed up that I can't just bounce back out of my depressed episodes once they get triggered.

We're not weak or lazy. We have an illness. Just because it is in our minds and can't always been seen physically doesn't make it any less of a chronic illness like diabetes or celiac disease. The stigma surrounding depression actually makes my depressive episodes much worse to be honest. I share your frustrations and concerns.

medicatedforlife wrote:While I agree with the science behind brain chemistry, I also think that different types of people are also effected by difference circumstances differently than other types of people.

Yes. I wonder: If I was stronger and more resilient emotionally, would it take more bad stuff to trigger me? I almost wish my depressive episodes would just come on for no apparent reason (which they sometimes do) rather than as a result of some bummer or setback. This way, I could just blame my plummeting mood on the illness rather than the fact that something went wrong in my life. (I understand that the illness is still to blame, it's just that it would be a little more comforting to blame it on the fact that I, for example, lost my wallet, rather than a brain chemical imbalance, which is not as tangible)

medicatedforlife wrote:I do find that a problem I'm dealing with - once it's resolved or I have a plan on how to resolve or deal with whatever the issue is, that my mood does lift or go up. Depending on what the issue is (if it's something that has been ongoing for a long time, I feel a sense of relief followed by elation)

Me too. It might be good to look at it this way: being able to knock the depression out of my head just by dealing with the issues which brought it on. That's a scenario where you literally have power over depression and can stop it.
I've likened my depression to getting the flu elsewhere here, and the same holds true for when the episodes end: when I recover from the flu I feel physically strong and very healthy. Likewise, when I break out of days of depression, I, too, feel a rare sense of elation. Episodes that last months are different. I have to ask myself "Am I still depressed?" It takes a while to figure out that I'm feeling better when I've been depressed for a long time.

I get the most depressed when I am at home. At work I'm too busy, and while I feel a lot of anxiety, I don't really feel the depression as much. At home I am faced with the cluttered, torn apart condition of my house which has always been upsetting to me, and which I have very little control over. I also have problems dealing with my husband due to a lot of old hurts on both of our parts and the fact that we are just so very different. I love him very much, but for me there has been a lot of hurt, loneliness, and disappointment in my marriage. Also when I am with my family I am reminded of all of my guilt over them having to deal with me and my negative outlook on life over the years. I had wanted to do so much better as a wife, mother, etc.

I'm the opposite. Since I work alone and it's generally more physical than mental, my mind drifts while working, and always to unpleasant things. Sometimes I get so worked up in my head on workdays that I'm a raging mess by the time I get home. Since I have avoidant and schizoid traits, I am most comfortable at home. But I think it's different for everybody. I used to work with the public and I remember how the opposite was true back then. I was too busy dealing with people to let my mind wander to dark places.
I feel very sorry that you have difficulties when at home. I know this is obvious advice, but have you tried counseling for your marriage? Or maybe an online forum where you can at least vent your troubles and frustrations? There seems to be a forum for everything out there these days.
It's good that you love your husband so much. Imagine how much more difficult it would be for you if you didn't.
Don't beat yourself up because your family has to deal with your depression. You have an illness, it's not your fault. Have you discussed your guilt with any of them? Is it possible they may understand better than you think they do? If not, they can always be educated.
Best of luck to you...hang in there!