I want the pain to stop *TW*

Depression really hurts. It even hurts my body. I'm in so much pain right now, I don't know what to do. I just want this pain to go away now. I'd rather die than keep living one more minute like this.

Please, someone help.

Big big hugs.

I take it from your signature that you are not receiving any medical help. Please try it. I spent a year in terrible depression back in 2003-2004 because I was convinced shrinks couldn't help me, and then when I was on the brink of taking my own life some little spark of sanity made me think "OK, since I am going to die anyway, I might as well try those crooks first", and the second medication got me out of depression and brought me my life back.

Depression DOES really hurt and I perceive mine as a very physical ailment; my senses dull, I feel heaviness (I compare it to wearing plate armour), moving hurts, everything hurts. Antidepressants do work. It might take a while to find the right one, but once you do, you'll find it hard to believe you ever felt so bad. (Our bodies/minds forget depression.)

Hugs again if wanted.

I was on anti-depressants several times already. It's been almost 2 years. I promised myself I wouldn't go back to them, that I was able to live without being dependent on a pill. To return to taking pills is to admit that I'm fundamentally flawed, that I'm not meant to be happy, that I can only try to be as normal as the others by means of a pill.

And I never felt they were life changers. They may numb my pain a little, but I'll still be suffering.

Hello,

You are not fundamentally flawed if you need medication. People with diabetes are not fundamentally flawed because they need insulin. People with cancer are not fundamentally flawed because they can't "just be normal".

If you still suffer on the antidepressants, chances are that either 1) you're not taking the right med, or 2) the dosage is not correct. When I was on moclobemide, 150 mg made me worse, 300 mg made me a zombie and 450 worked very well. It didn't make me happy but it made me capable of being happy. A chemical imbalance can't be corrected through wishing it away or trying to pull yourself up by the bootstraps.

Seven years after my MDD diagnose I received bipolar diagnose. It's going to be four years a week from now. I don't feel fundamentally flawed. Sometimes I feel fundamentally ###$ up, yes. But the medication is here to make me better. It's a tool. It's not supposed to be a life changer. It's a life enabler. Once your brain chemistry stops hurting you and putting you down, you're free to live life like others do.