I need help.

I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was thirteen after a suicide attempt. Now, I'm seventeen and still struggling. Over the past four years, I've taken 6 different medications to help with my depression/anxiety and insomnia. Additionally, I've suffered from chronic back pain for two years. I've just begun taking a new anti-depressant after finding that my previous prescription was not helping at all with my depression.

My problem right now is that I am noticing changes in my personality.

For months, I was numb. I felt nothing; not happiness, not anger, not sadness. While I didn't withdrawal from friends or schoolwork, I felt that it was all so pointless. I was- and am- very good at masking my emotions- or lack thereof- with friends and family.

Now, I just feel these incessant bouts of anger, annoyance, recklessness, lethargy, and sheer sadness. I feel like I serve no purpose to myself or others; I've almost completely lost interest in activities and subjects I am usually so passionate about. I can't bring myself to care about anything. Most days, I can't/don't get out of bed. It's like I don't even feel like a person anymore; I'm just this thing, existing.

I honestly don't know what to do. I've seen a psychiatrist over the past few years, though now it is only for prescriptions for medications. I don't know who I can turn to right now and really feel like I can't manage anymore. I don't know of any useful coping techniques or mechanisms of dealing with my depression. I'm afraid to tell my parents the extent of these feelings because I don't know how they will react, but I am afraid that they will mostly be angry at me or think I am exaggerating.

What can I do?

Hey ImFeeling

I'm so sorry your medication is causing you these problems. I know you might not feel like a person, but you definitely sound like a person and like someone who is hurting. You're definitely not a thing.

I think you explained yourself really clearly and in a really moving way, which made it easy for me as an outsider to have a sense of how difficult things are. I don't know your parents and how they'll react, but it does sound important to tell someone as it's making you so miserable. Is your psychiatrist not an option?

I'm sad that you're suffering and feeling alone with your problem. I hope that you'll find a way to talk to someone about it, whoever that person might be.

Take care of yourself and big hugs,

Lisa