I think I'm done

Life keeps hitting me with more and more #######4. I keep trying and trying. I hate myself I hate that camming is all i can do for money i hate that all guys seem to want from me is sex and "fun". I hate that I'm gonna be 21 and still clueless and that i have nothing and no future.

Top that off with multiple recent events that are stressing me out and i just don't feel strong enough to do this anymore esp with no one to lean on.

I'm not sure if suicide has ever felt this appealing. I just wanna find some guy to take me to a hotel and ###$ and get drunk and jump out the window. Nothing feels good anymore i just wanna be dead

*mod edit*

Basically, this is a self-confidence issue: and you are stuck in a loop. Thus, your attempts to soothe yourself is performed with the same part of you that triggered the depression in the first place.

You shouldn't be fighting this alone, you must find a competent health professional.

Please,

I wish i could fix it. Not only for you, but for all of us.

I am 28....and can relate to everything you are saying. Even the being used part.

Nothing is enjoyable any longer, right? Yeah, everything just seems so boring and pointless. I know that feeling. I am there with you. I have figured out after living with this pain for so very long; that i do not, and never really did, want to die. What i want is the loneliness and pain to stop. Right? I want those horrible dark thoughts to stop, i want people to love me again. Most importantly, i want to find happiness. Does this sound familiar at all?

Please don't go, i want to talk to you more. I don't have a hidden agenda, i swear. Well i do actually, i want to learn more about you because i never find anyone who wrights the way i feel, like you did in your first post.

Please respond, i will be looking forward to hearing from you. Truly.