Today I lost my job, I'm a concept artist and i was let go for not being good enough. This job was super easy, all I did was little Farmville icons and trees. Now, I don't know what do. I feel ashamed like a failer, im going to lose the the home i love take a job that sucks my soul. doing this work is the only thing I want to do. But now I feel I'll never reach it. I want to go back to school but in this,economy it's insane, not to mention that art schools are insanely expensive, and I might not even get into them.
On top of that I've gained a lot of weight so my self esteem is gone.
I feel like I don't know who I am any more. Like I don't know who I ever was. I've spent my whole life in these up and down Rollacosters of depression and a brief respite of peace but anytime something good happens, something else happens eventually that corrupts it so I have few if any happy memories.
I can't handle this anymore, the pain the sadness the uncertainty the loneliness, the constant failer, the self hatred. It been 26 years of this and I can't handle it anymore, I just want it all to stop. Everyday I'm waking up wishing that I sink so low I just end it all so I don't have to deal with this world any more.
I just feel like there is nothing left for me here.
Im sorry for the long post I'm just so lost and wanted to want someone to know.