i miss my father so much

there was a time when life was so nice. almost like a dream. i miss that so much. wish i could go back n time n change everything.

i'm so scared of my life right now.

I understand. What worked for me was to just allow myself to grieve, even if the grief was accompanied by self pity, until I came to terms with my loss.
Hope you start to feel better.

thanks for the reply. i try not to put any pressure on myself to recover by and so and so date. at times i just lie on bed n think of the past. those were good days...

tiredofmyself wrote:there was a time when life was so nice. almost like a dream. i miss that so much. wish i could go back n time n change everything.

i'm so scared of my life right now.

I don't know how long you have suffered, but I can, to some vague extent, understand how you feel.

I had a wonderful childhood, and I deeply respected my grandfather, who was an extremely intelligent man who was essentially the father figure in my life (my own actual father was for all intents and purposes a horrible person, fortunately I have never met him), and I miss him deeply sometimes even still. It has probably been over 15 years since he passed away.

Either way, once upon a time I was happy, despite being verbally bullied and harassed at school, I did okay. My life has gotten progressively worse. Not a day goes by when I wish I could just go back in time and be in that happy, wonderful time again when I had friends and I was happy and had wonderful people and my entire extended family regularly getting together. But I know I can't...

Today, I am all but alone, living only with my mother, and my life seems to get progressively more seclusive each day. I, too, am scared to try living again, having suffered through so many harsh or uncaring people, but I know in my heart that the only way I will ever get over this is by breaking the cycle that draws me away from the rest of the world, no matter how much I may dislike the world, I fear I cannot realistically survive without being a part of it.

I don't know if everything I just said was just crazy nonsense, and I doubt any of it will help you. I doubt out situations are the same. But still, I want you to know, you are not alone. I don't know what your life is like or what you plan to do with it, but of it's any consolation, however small, please know that life can always get better. You needn't hope for it to improve, it will get better if you can find a way to help yourself.

There is no rush, no hurry, no time limit to help yourself, and no need to ever change if you are content as you are, but remember that a better future is always available. You may never see your father again, but there are still very good people out there, too. I believe that you are one of them yourself.

I don't know if any of this helps, but I wish you the very best regardless of what your life holds. Please remember that you are not alone.

i feel so angry at times. it feels like my mind is exploding with varied thoughts at times. i wish i could tell my mind to be quiet for some time.