I cant cope , dont know why

For the last year or more I've been finding it increasingly hard to cope with life on a day to day basis.
I get stressed and worried about virtually everything and I have constant depressive waves that come and go erratically but regularly.

Recently this has got worse, as I have accepted a new full time job which leaves me with much more responsibility and less free time than my previous, self employed work.

I am starting to find that I can barely cope, during the day , while occupied I am normally ok. But whenever I am unoccupied (Particularly evenings) I tend to get hit by intense depression and anxiety that gives me desire to just run away, kill myself or take any other way out of responsibility. When this happens I tend to only cope by heavy drinking and more recently vaping nicotine heavily, as the dopamine release helps keep the deep unhappiness at bay, temporarily.

What makes this worse is my self directed anger about the way I feel. I feel angry at myself for being this way, because I know that in comparison to many others, I have a quite well off life in terms of upbringing , stable home life and no financial responsibility beyond small things like running my car and paying minimal rent to my parents. At 18 years of age I am increasingly concerned about my inability to stop worrying about anything, and my increasing dependence on Alcohol and nicotine to keep me away from the 'edge'

Whenever I am contented or happy for any time, I quickly start to worry about how long the happiness will last, so in other words I prevent myself from being happy by always thinking about everything that scares me. MY friends and family just tell me to 'stop worrying and overthinking things' and the thing is , I'd love to do that, but I find I psychologically cannot do so. The only time I'm able to mostly 'let go' is when Im very drunk with friends and the knowledge that I have nothing planned the next day.

In other words Im in a complete mess. Just wondering if anyone has any new advice that I havn't heard yet

Thanks for reading.

Adam

SomeGuy18 wrote:What makes this worse is my self directed anger about the way I feel. I feel angry at myself for being this way, because I know that in comparison to many others, I have a quite well off life in terms of upbringing , stable home life and no financial responsibility beyond small things like running my car and paying minimal rent to my parents.

you shouldnt be angry at yourself for the way you feel. everyone is different. there are folks who are living apparently better lives than you, just as folks who are living lives with harder challenges.

i think of it as cold. just because someone has cancer doesn't mean i shouldn't cry for cold.

regarding depression: you are not alone in feeling this way. hope things get better for everyone.

Hi, I went through something very similar and tried medications but they didn't work until I stopped drinking. To me the only thing worse than the thought of not drinking was to continue on the way I had been. I got sober via AA and it took a long time to feel good on a consistent basis but I felt better right away. (no more suicidal thoughts or attempts), if it's possible for you to get sober then medications can be very helpful. Volunteer work helped me a lot too.