How can I get my mom to understand I'm depressed?

Hello, I'm 17 and have recently been diagnosed with depression by my doctor. I have been have these symptoms for half a year, repeatedly.

I read that in order for it to be depression over "just regular sadness" that the symptoms need to be present for at least two weeks. Well, I waited. And waited...and obviously the symptoms still haven't gone away. The reason why I wanted that long was that I thought this feeling of melancholy was caused arbitrarily and that it would eventually banish but it never did. And it got REALLY bad, so I had to do something about it.

I have been eating and sleeping less, being more hostile and withdrawn, increasingly self-loathing to the point of suicidal tendencies, crying over and losing interests in things, fatigued, and find concentrating on my projects to be more bothersome than usual. I'm not sure if any other depression sufferers can relate, but sometimes I feel like my head is "spinning" and that everything and everyone around me is blocked out of my head.

I don't know what triggers depression, but it might have been caused by my toxic family life, my emotionally manipulative ex-boyfriend, my failing grades (I used to be a straight A student), and my so-called "best friend" turning people against me at school.

If it's of any relevance, my mother took me to another doctor at around 9-11 (ish?) years of age for a check-up and that doctor was concerned I was depressed. However, my mother did not heed his warning and thought I was "too young" to be depressed. During that period of time, my parents were going through a divorce, we had to move cities, I was getting bullied and my home life was very toxic to live in.

Even now, my mother thinks I'm just "trying to seek attention" and won't buy me the pills that our current doctor prescribed to me. She still thought I was seeking attention by showing her my self-harm scars as well. My stepfather even wanted me to kill myself, and said, "Instead of your wrists, stab yourself in the heart, you little bitch!". So yes, if you didn't catch on...I live in a VERY abusive home. I don't have the best relationship with either of my parents and my grandmother's the only person in my house I can only get along with and I hope I can move out when I have the funds to.

My mother also has depression, but she is very selfish about it and blames everything on my grandmother and I even on things that are clearly her fault. She also does not care about mine and my grandmother's safety because she let an abusive alcoholic man live with us. I can never really tell my mother about my problems, and she scoffed at the mention of me ever having depression. Every time I tell my mother about a problem I have, she a) thinks my problem is just "another teenager problems" and b) thinks I'm stressing her out by adding more problems onto her problems, so I never really have anyone to talk to expect for my grandmother but she might be gone soon.

But yeah, I digress. My doctor prescribed Cymbalta 30mg for me. I think I need medication more than ever to even function because just waking up and living has becoming increasingly hard for me. But my mother isn't willing to buy it for me, or to even remotely consider the fact that her daughter is terribly depressed. If I ever do find a way to pay for my medication, I'm scared of becoming dependent on the pill. I have a lot of friends that are also clinically depressed and they say they hate being dependent on their anti-depressants and that it's draining them more than helping them. I really hate how teenage mental illness gets ignored. The fear of becoming dependent on a foreign substance really startles me, though especially since I have a super dependent personality to begin with...

there is a crisis in adolescent mental illness
you are not alone in your suffering.

I work with homeless people. there are young people who find homelessness better than living in a sick and abusive houshold but it is a tough life. Sometimes they eat out of dumpsters behind restaurants.

can you see your doctor alone, or does your mother always come? Ask your doctor about free samples. But this isn't the total solution because I've never had more than a two week supply of free samples. If you can, tell your doctor about your home life. Show him your scars.

Can you get a part time job? when I was in highschool, I worked 10 hours a week in a grocery store.
Trust your grandmother and confide in her. It sounds like she will provide you moral support.

I'm sorry I can't help. At times I wish I could reach out and rescue youth from bad homes.
I'm sorry.