really don't know how to go on...

Good evening everyone,
I honestly have no clue how i am going to tolerate the next 60years of my life that i'll supposedly live if i reach the average age for males....
I feel more and more upset and angry each day, and more and more down too.
My first post was this (just to give an insight about whats up with me): anger-management/topic158271.html


So now a few weeks moving on from that post, and i just feel more and more down. And the way I see things I cannot be helped, and I am too scared of pain or getting crippled atm to end it early.
I just don't know what to do anymore, I just can not find happiness nor a purpose in life. I have been loosing all the drive to do anything, drifting away from friends, wasting away in my own little virtual world of video games and making electronic music....but I have no outlook in life....I am literally just waiting to die. (don't worry not suicidal...too much of a coward for that). however i am looking forward to my end just so i don't have to find a purpose anymore, or do the things that fuel my anger and sadness.

im srry for rambling

I'm sorry for the dull and obvious response. But are you talking to anyone in real life about this? Because depression is a lying bastard of an illness. It does warp thinking so that everything seems very logically awful. I described getting away from that bleak thinking like this-

And I felt like I came back to "my normal." More like tomorrow could be better than today. Rather than the rest of my life looking like one long grey trudge until I could legitimately die of natural causes.

And talking to a professional can be super hard. But it is definitely one way to get a "sanity check" around how realistic these thoughts are. And help in recalibrating.

Your "Meh, bollocks" really resonates. It's not thinking that you have to be stuck with, though. I'm not pushing the meds route. [Though that helped me.] Or therapy. [Though I'm firmly convinced everyone however "normal" they think they are. Would benefit from some of that.] It's more that the bleakness and crappy feelings don't have to be the default. In general a positive change is possible.

https://medium.com/the-archipelago/not- ... 21574a2dfd