depression kill my intelligence

I am depressed because of being abused as a child. My parents abuse me and i am still living with them since i have no place to go. i use lots of things to help myself such as listening to music, read about psychology, not seem to help much. when i try to do things i love, my mother will punish me with words and actions such as you are worthless. and being cold toward me, ruin my stuff and so on. she try her best to make my life hell. i only want her dead everyday. my mind go blank and i notice my memory is so bad right now. i have trouble sleeping and everything in life. It seems to me that i am slowly dying everyday not living at all. i think about suicide everyday. it seems like the only way to get out.

You're mother sounds like *mod edit*, and I know how hard it is to live with someone like that. I too have trouble with memory and spatial awareness, and it can be quite frustrating. I would strongly advise you to contact someone at school, or someone you trust, because continuing to live with a pathological parent can be very damaging to your health.