Being depressed and too embarrassed to talk about it.

I experienced severe anxiety and depression for almost five years, and I feel I am reaching a breaking point. In addition to being depressed i have Social Phobia (self diagnosis), OCD (self diagnosis), (OCD, went from severe checking of locks, this got better with sleeping pills. But i am experiencing killer thoughts still, which is very intruding), and severe insomnia (diagnosed). The only thing i have gotten enough courage to do, is ask for my GP for sleeping pills, (which isn't even effective).
Last year i went the entire school year with constant fear and anxiety, and i got maybe 2-3 hours of sleep every night. with the sleeping pills i get perhaps 5 hours, if i'm lucky, but I still wake up in the middle of the night, and then i cant go back to sleep. and when the alarm rings, I start to get drowsy again, and the seemingly endless cycle begins again.
I am also experiencing Anehdonia, which just got worse with the sleeping pills, because it means i am awake enough to experience the "emptiness" that comes with it. Some days are worse than others, but what is consistent is the lack of empathy and apathetic attitude (which i hide). all this started when I "abandoned" my old friends out of fear of not fitting in at the new school with the "cool people", but ended up getting bullied and picked on almost everyday. They let me hang out with them for a while, until they got bored.
I don't know how, but all of this has gone undetected with my family and school. Even though the stuttering and embarrassment in social situations seem to get worse. I have cerebral Palsy, so i am in close contact with the health care system, but no one seems to recognize that something is wrong, even though i have tried sometimes to give a few hints, I am just so afraid of the consequences of "confessing my sins". I am tired of just "existing", and pretending that everything is perfect, when it is in fact not.

What could be the consequences of being honest about this?

I'm a little biased. We're all "crazy" here. I don't believe there's such a thing as "normal." And I also believe everyone's allowed to need. And to ask for. Help! Talking about it to professionals is perhaps a little easier. Since they've heard it all before. It's familiar and reasonable to them. They have an approach to help. [Which may be useful. If not, it's very hard to deal with. But important to try again.]

Talking to friends or family can be weird. Sometimes they don't want to know. Because it shines a light on them not noticing there was a problem. Or on problems of their own that they don't want to deal with. And both of those can provoke heavy denial that there's anything going on for you. Sometimes, you'll find out that they struggle with stuff of their own. Or that they have stories of things other people went through. And came out the other side. That things can get better. There's no way to know in advance how it's going to go. But it's OK not to pretend any more. Having any kind of mental health problem isn't a sin. If people react badly to it, shame on them. You can't control their reaction. But you can control letting people in to try and support you.

I should also mention that i grew up with a Narcissistic/psychopathic stepfather from the age of 7-13. I think that has also contributed to me being closed off, because showing emotion could easily upset or anger him.

That figures, yes. And it's hard work to unpick that kind of "training." Well worth doing, but not easy.

I also worry about how this will alter the lives of me and those close to me, because I know Lots and lots of therapy is the way to go, but this will also effect school and such. I can imagine that anxiety medication would also enter the picture, not sure how this would alter my mental state though, meaning would i be drowsy or zombie-like, or more in a "normal" state on medication.

I go to therapy before work. I know some people do it at the weekend or in the evening instead. So it might be possible to fit around other things. And to be no one's business but your own. [Depending on your insurance / financial situation and so on.]

The meds are impossible to say. Since they affect different people differently. The first ones I tried did make me feel very numb. But I don't think anyone noticed. Or perhaps just that I lost my sense of humour. The second ones were much more helpful. It took a few days to get used to them. And I did need to be very careful about timing. So that I wasn't groggy during the day. But it wasn't too hard to work out. And the difference they made. In giving me some peace from what was going on in my head. Was totally worth the effort. I very much felt like I was "more me" on them. Than I had been for a long while before. Rather than being a zombie / artificially happy / sheeple or anything like that.

They aren't for everyone. And may be a short or long term option depending. But from my own experience, I wouldn't rule them out without exploring the options.

[As an aside. Sleep deprivation can mess people up all by itself. So finding a way to get towards more natural sleep patterns. Might be give you as much of an improvement as other meds anyway. So while daytime groggy is bad. Drowsy at night could be a great side effect. I'm not suggesting more sleeping pills! Fewer might be better, though check with your doctor either way. Just that if meds for other issues come with a warning about sleepiness. That could be a feature not a problem.]

What I am taking is not strictly sleeping pills, as they are highly addictive, which would just create new problems. I am taking pills which contains the hormone melatonin, and a drug (which ironically in higher doses is an anti-psychotic), but in smaller does functions as a sleep aid and its a small dose (25mg). I tried 50mg, which my doctor suggested, but that made me extremely drowsy during the daytime, as my body is not able to rid itself of the drug due to lack of sleep.

Since I have cerebral palsy, my body uses up to 3-5 times the energy a normal person would on a normal day. Therefore I should ideally get about 8-9 hours of sleep, so you can imagine the toll my body has taken with only 2-3 hours of sleep these last couple of years, and especially my brain which is starting to bear the resemblance of my 80 year of grandmother with alzheimers in terms memory and my declining ability to concentrate and stay focused.

during easter i actually slept through the night a couple of nights during vacation. Hopefully the pattern will continue as we started school today, and I'm a little anxious that the stress of starting school will worsen the insomnia again.

Ye, the pattern didn't continue, back to the same old pattern of being exhausted and sleeplessness..