I don't see the point in living

*Trigger warning for talk of suicide*

Long story short. I don't know if I have depression or not but I do know that my future is hopeless, I don't enjoy anything enough to make a career out of it and what's the point if we all just die anyway? I'm 18 next month and all I can think about is suicide. I don't want to kill myself and I don't want to be called an attention seeker. I am so irritable towards my family when they try to talk to me about the future. I have no self confidence and I am tired of pulling myself up just to fall back down again. I have no motivation to do anything although I wish I could be happy and motivated and successful I just can't bring myself to do anything. I lay in bed all day because college wasn't open today for my year and I was thinking about how i could take enough pills to be sent to hospital as I can't tell anyone my problems because they won't take me seriously unless I do something serious. I was so sure at one point that I was going to do it I kind of scared myself. I don't think I would even attempt it but I can't live like this anymore. I hate my life and I don't know what to do or what is wrong with me.

Please help. Thanks. (I'm a girl btw)

Hello,

you do not mention seeing a medical professional. Have you tried to discuss those issues with a psychiatrist, or at least a GP? I don't know whether you've got depression or not; it is up to doctors to decide that, and help you with it.

There was a time in my life when I felt exactly how you describe, and I actually decided to finish things. Then I thought: well, I don't really believe psychiatry can help me, but since I'm going to die anyway, why not try first? I'm still here, 17 years later, and very, very grateful for that thought.

Big hugs. You are not alone. There is help available.

I once read a study, something about that it was client commitment that resolved the majority of therapy cases. Meaning: it's going to be up to you.

One place to start might be getting in the know about depression? Here are two pdfs that look pretty informative...

http://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/pdfGui ... ession.pdf

http://www.clinical-depression.co.uk/si ... h-Free.pdf

"Last Hope"

I don't even know myself at all
I thought I would be happy by now
The more I try to push it
I realize – gotta let go of control

Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
So let it happen

It's just a spark
But it's enough to keep me going
And when it's dark out, no one's around
It keeps glowing

Every night I try my best to dream
Tomorrow makes it better
Then I wake up to the cold reality
And not a thing is changed

But it will happen
Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen

It's just a spark
But it's enough to keep me going
And when it's dark out, no one's around
It keeps glowing

It's just a spark
But it's enough to keep me going
And when it's dark out, no one's around
It keeps glowing

And the salt in my wounds isn't burning anymore than it used to
It's not that I don't feel the pain, it's just I'm not afraid of hurting anymore
And the blood in these veins isn't pumping any less than it ever has
And that's the hope I have, the only thing I know that's keeping me alive

Alive

Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen

Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen

It's just a spark
But it's enough to keep me going
(So if I let go of control now, I can be strong)
And when it's dark out, no one's around
It keeps glowing

It's just a spark
But it's enough to keep me going
(So if I keep my eyes closed, with the blind hope)
And when it's dark out, no one's around
It keeps glowing

Ahhh
Ahhh
Ahhh
Ahhh

Ohhh
Ohhh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBatuRGZAmA