Depression , the things that are making them worse

Before I say anything else , I am just looking for someone to talk to , someone that has been through similar and found a way to live easier , without being medicated deeply. And i hope that this was a good place to post this , i couldn't really find the best forum on here to post this , considering that I've always had bad depression/anxiety problems , i guessed that this was a good place to post it , as the things below just make my depression worse.





Almost 2 years ago I lost my sister. 4 months after that I lost my grandmother. Both of them I considered best friends. Last May I ruptured two disc at work and the result has been never ending pain. The man that my sister was with for 12 or so years , he was like a brother to me , I knew him since I was a small boy , he wants nothing to do with us now , I lost him too.
I've always fought depression and dangerously bad anxiety problems , I've been on various amounts of medications , I'm on them now. I've lost my friends. I've lost my job. Ive lost all that I've built on my resume. I have no further schooling after high school graduation. I wake up in fear to losing one of my parents or my grandfather. I have panic attacks now unlike any I had ever had before. And I feel like I can't take any more pain , both on the emotional and physical scale , I've got to find a way to find happiness , a way to get out of the house more often , because this isn't working and its unhealthy.
I look inside myself often , and all I feel is emptiness and it tears me apart. I've always held things in til I break down and have to scream and I still cry over losing my sister..

I read a lot , I try to find ways to keep things off my mind , I can't do a lot physically due to pain/discomfort , and I feel like I'm just digging myself further into a hole that I never wanted to be in. I just don't know what to do. I don't really know why I am posting this , I just want people to talk to. I can't take the silence anymore. I have a beautiful girl that's waited for me for years now , but I can't even bring myself to see my best friend on a normal basis , I'm terrified of being around people , and all anyone does now is get angry or they make me feel even more depressed.

I never thought I'd lose her or him so soon. It hurts even worse to know he just walked away.

I lost pretty much all of my interest in things when all this happens.. I was a pretty normal guy , beyond the anxiety problems... I played video games a lot , saw my friends , went to party , movies.. dated... etc.. I bought a car that made me happy , but i loss the abilty to work on it when my injury happened..

I know the physical pain and the emotional pain are really bringing me down...


Thanks for reading guys

You'll want to check this out with a doctor first, but I do recall reading that getting active is nowadays an important part of treating back and neck pain and injuries. Two or three days maximum of rest and then movement, stretching, exercise, running, sports and so on everyday. Maybe something to think about? Pain can be very demoralizing and a reduction could make a major change in your quality of life.